If I know one thing about Major League Baseball, it's that I have no idea what a balk really is. If I know 2 things, though, it's that baseball players always play well against their hometown team. Ryan Howard is no exception. As a matter of fact, I would call him the rule.
I don't know how well players on other teams do against their hometown clubs, but I know that the Phillies are awesome at this.
Chase Utley (Pasadena, CA) vs. Dodgers - .311 BA, 15 2B, 7 HR, 23 RBI, .958 OPS in 38 starts
Raul Ibanez (Miami, FL) vs. Marlins - .333 BA, 7 HR, 34 RBI, .931 OPS in 46 starts
Cole Hamels (San Diego, CA) vs. Padres - 5-2, 2.42 ERA, .186 BAA in 10 starts
Roy Halladay (Denver, CO) vs. Rockies - 2-0, 0.77 ERA, .202 BAA in 3 starts
Those numbers are pretty good and all, but not really much to write home about compared with what Ryan Howard does against his hometown St. Louis Cardinals. In 38 games, Howard has a .372 batting average, 15 home runs, 46 runs batted in, a .477 on-base percentage, and a .738 slugging percentage. And when in the actual city of St. Louis they're even better. .388, 8 home runs, 31 RBI, 1.257 OPS. In 21 games. Say whaatttt?!!
So my preview for the Cardinals is only about him really. I don't really care about Cliff Lee's career numbers against them (even though they are awesome) or Roy Oswalt's numbers against a team he used to pitch against all the time (even though they aren't bad either). All that matter in this series is that Ryan Howard is batting for us. Can we please, please, please get on base for him? This is going to be awesome.
On a side note, my love affair with John Mayberry could absolutely take off in this series if he gets playing time. He's from Kansas City. Although that would favor him dominating the Royals, I think this rule can carry over against a team from his home state. And, let's face it, he had to have grown up cheering for the Cardinals. Who gives a hoot about the Royals?
Game 1: Cliff Lee (2-3, 3.78 ERA) vs. Jake Westbrook (2-3, 6.92 ERA)
Although I said I didn't care about anyone but Howard, Lee is 2-0 with a 1.20 ERA against the Cardinals in 2 career starts. Lance Berkman is the only Cardinal with any real success against him, and that's minimal (3 for 8 with 3 RBI). Luckily for Jake Westbrook, he has only faced Ryan Howard twice, and somehow the hit he gave up was not a home run. Expect that to change now that Jakey is in a Cardinals uniform.
Prediction: Phillies 8 Cardinals 3
Keep an eye out for: a Ryan Howard home run hitting your car. From St. Louis.
Game 2: Roy Oswalt (3-1, 3.33 ERA) vs. Jaime Garcia (5-0, 1.89 ERA)
Howard is only 2 for 8 against Garcia, but one of those was a home run. I am guessing Mayberry definitely gets a start here against a solid lefty, so hopefully we can see him break out against his home-state team. Oswalt has plenty of experience against the Cardinals from his days on the Astros, and he has a 3.19 ERA and has held Pujols to a .313 batting average against him (yes, held him to that. Pujols is a career .330 hitter. He's amazing). And none of that matters anyway. Ryan Howard!!!
Prediction: Phillies 3 Cardinals 2
Keep an eye out for: back-to-back home runs from Howard and Mayberry
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I'm going to give everyone until my next post to submit more ideas for the tagline. I have one in mind right now, but it's one that I came up with myself, and I think that is lame. So please give me more ideas or else I'll be depressed.
This also means that you'll get to see the official High Hopes logo in a mere 2 days! I know, you can barely contain yourself!
I also posted yesterday in reaction to the Braves series, so make sure you check that out. Also, remember to let me know if you want to receive a text when I update the blog. Even if you are a person I already do this for, I want you to let me know that you actually want me to continue so as to make sure that I'm not incredibly annoying.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Offensive Solutions
With our pitching staff, we won't need much more than 10 runs in a 3-game series to take 2 or even 3 of those games. But why test that? Especially against the Braves. I keep reading that they have a better staff than us statistically this season, but I am only reading it in headlines of ESPNinsider articles that I can't actually read so I have no idea what that actually means. I know we have a better rotation than they do, and they have a better bullpen. So the pitching staffs should be pretty much even (although I'd still give us a slight edge. Cole Hamels is our 4th starter).
If the pitchers are even, that means our offense just needs to be better. The Braves scored just 12 runs in this weekend's series, so it's not like they are blowing anyone out of the water or anything with their bats. In 9 games against them this season, our pitchers have accumulated a 3.35 ERA. That means we can expect the Braves offense to score 3 or 4 runs a game every time we play them. I don't think it's so much to ask for our offense to score 4 or 5 runs in those games. So what is the issue?
Raul Ibanez - I have just about beaten this to death at this point, but I think Raul sucks. And he definitely does against the Braves. He's 6 for 32 against them with 11 strikeouts. Ew. He has just a .454 OPS, which is supposed to be a stat that tells you how good someone actually is as a hitter (You know, since batting average didn't work well enough for the past 130 years). It's on-base percentage plus slugging percentage. So it basically tells you how good a guy is at just getting to first but also how good he is at getting more than just first base at the same time. However you look at it, Ibanez sucks.
Ben Francisco - Hitting .148 against the Braves this season and and just .222 overall this season. His batting average in May? Are you ready for this? Because it's really bad. You might want to think twice before actually reading this number. This is an everyday player for us. It's over the course of 13 games. Ready? Ok, you asked for it...He's hitting .094. With 0 extra base hits and 0 RBI.
Although their numbers against the Braves are worse than their season numbers, neither one is hitting above .230. Ryan Howard has 9 home runs and 35 RBI this season. Raul and Ben have 7 and 34. Combined. These are our everyday 5th and 6th batters. No, they shouldn't be putting up HUGE numbers hitting behind Howard because he'll generally get most of them for himself, but they do get a good amount of opportunities from people not wanting to face the Big Man. Last season our 5 and 6 hitters had 43 home runs and 168 RBI compared to Howard's 31 and 108. Howard did have a down year and we did have Jayson Werth, but I would imagine it's pretty normal for a 5 and 6 combined to be better than a clean-up hitter. I'm so confident in this that I'll pick any random baseball team right now and look at their numbers. Actually, I'll pick the team that is 15th in runs scored this season. That's pretty average right? Ok, this is live. Let's hope I'm not embarrassed.
The Astros. According to ESPN, their normal lineup has Carlos Lee batting 4, Brett Wallace 5, and Bill Hall 6.
Carlos Lee - 4 HR 22 RBI
Wallace + Hall - 4 HR 25 RBI
Well that didn't really prove much because Carlos Lee sucks and the Astros generally suck as well. But knowing that the Astros suck, how sad is it that they are 15th in runs scored and we are 16th? Very sad. (I'm re-reading and editing this post and realizing that this is the most awkward and uncomfortable thing you've ever had to read now in 2 years of me blogging about the Phillies. Although I'm keeping it in here, I apologize and thank you for your loyalty in this difficult time in my writing)
The solution to all of this? I've been saying it all year...John Mayberry. And Domonic Brown. Mayberry gets no shot for no reason at all. He was by far our best offensive player today, drawing 2 walks, stealing a base, and hitting a go-ahead 2-run home run. Charlie gets criticized for playing his starters way too much throughout the course of a season and not giving them rest. His reasoning? He plays to win every single game, and he puts the lineup out there that he thinks gives them the best chance to win. So how can you tell me that Ibenez (my new celebrity couple name for our 2 worst players) gives us a better chance than Mayberry out there in one of those spots? And the other spot should have been filled by Domonic Brown. He started the year injured, and he is out for the next weekish because of a sprained thumb, but in between he played in 9 games for the Iron Pigs, hitting .353 with 2 doubles, 2 home runs, and a 1.013 OPS. He has dominated all through the minors, and he just needs his shot to do something in the majors. Why are we keeping him down there? Why are we doing this to the future of our outfield?
Everyone knows that this Phillies team has about 2-3 more years at the most to make some serious World Series runs because of the age of our core players. So why are we holding back our 2 biggest building blocks for the future? It's not like they are being blocked by somebody like Placido Polanco (like Chase Utley was) or Jim Thome (like Ryan Howard was). It's 2 people who are collectively hitting .226 this season for a team who is struggling to consistently score runs.
It'd also be a whole different story to me if Utley were back. We could put Victorino or Rollins somewhere behind Howard in the lineup and provide somewhat of a spark back there. But that's not the case. And until it is, there's no possible way to tell me that the lineup we are putting out there gives us the best chance to win a game.
Our pitching has kept us 2 games up in the division. Imagine if we had an offense to go with it...
If the pitchers are even, that means our offense just needs to be better. The Braves scored just 12 runs in this weekend's series, so it's not like they are blowing anyone out of the water or anything with their bats. In 9 games against them this season, our pitchers have accumulated a 3.35 ERA. That means we can expect the Braves offense to score 3 or 4 runs a game every time we play them. I don't think it's so much to ask for our offense to score 4 or 5 runs in those games. So what is the issue?
Raul Ibanez - I have just about beaten this to death at this point, but I think Raul sucks. And he definitely does against the Braves. He's 6 for 32 against them with 11 strikeouts. Ew. He has just a .454 OPS, which is supposed to be a stat that tells you how good someone actually is as a hitter (You know, since batting average didn't work well enough for the past 130 years). It's on-base percentage plus slugging percentage. So it basically tells you how good a guy is at just getting to first but also how good he is at getting more than just first base at the same time. However you look at it, Ibanez sucks.
Ben Francisco - Hitting .148 against the Braves this season and and just .222 overall this season. His batting average in May? Are you ready for this? Because it's really bad. You might want to think twice before actually reading this number. This is an everyday player for us. It's over the course of 13 games. Ready? Ok, you asked for it...He's hitting .094. With 0 extra base hits and 0 RBI.
Although their numbers against the Braves are worse than their season numbers, neither one is hitting above .230. Ryan Howard has 9 home runs and 35 RBI this season. Raul and Ben have 7 and 34. Combined. These are our everyday 5th and 6th batters. No, they shouldn't be putting up HUGE numbers hitting behind Howard because he'll generally get most of them for himself, but they do get a good amount of opportunities from people not wanting to face the Big Man. Last season our 5 and 6 hitters had 43 home runs and 168 RBI compared to Howard's 31 and 108. Howard did have a down year and we did have Jayson Werth, but I would imagine it's pretty normal for a 5 and 6 combined to be better than a clean-up hitter. I'm so confident in this that I'll pick any random baseball team right now and look at their numbers. Actually, I'll pick the team that is 15th in runs scored this season. That's pretty average right? Ok, this is live. Let's hope I'm not embarrassed.
The Astros. According to ESPN, their normal lineup has Carlos Lee batting 4, Brett Wallace 5, and Bill Hall 6.
Carlos Lee - 4 HR 22 RBI
Wallace + Hall - 4 HR 25 RBI
Well that didn't really prove much because Carlos Lee sucks and the Astros generally suck as well. But knowing that the Astros suck, how sad is it that they are 15th in runs scored and we are 16th? Very sad. (I'm re-reading and editing this post and realizing that this is the most awkward and uncomfortable thing you've ever had to read now in 2 years of me blogging about the Phillies. Although I'm keeping it in here, I apologize and thank you for your loyalty in this difficult time in my writing)
The solution to all of this? I've been saying it all year...John Mayberry. And Domonic Brown. Mayberry gets no shot for no reason at all. He was by far our best offensive player today, drawing 2 walks, stealing a base, and hitting a go-ahead 2-run home run. Charlie gets criticized for playing his starters way too much throughout the course of a season and not giving them rest. His reasoning? He plays to win every single game, and he puts the lineup out there that he thinks gives them the best chance to win. So how can you tell me that Ibenez (my new celebrity couple name for our 2 worst players) gives us a better chance than Mayberry out there in one of those spots? And the other spot should have been filled by Domonic Brown. He started the year injured, and he is out for the next weekish because of a sprained thumb, but in between he played in 9 games for the Iron Pigs, hitting .353 with 2 doubles, 2 home runs, and a 1.013 OPS. He has dominated all through the minors, and he just needs his shot to do something in the majors. Why are we keeping him down there? Why are we doing this to the future of our outfield?
Everyone knows that this Phillies team has about 2-3 more years at the most to make some serious World Series runs because of the age of our core players. So why are we holding back our 2 biggest building blocks for the future? It's not like they are being blocked by somebody like Placido Polanco (like Chase Utley was) or Jim Thome (like Ryan Howard was). It's 2 people who are collectively hitting .226 this season for a team who is struggling to consistently score runs.
It'd also be a whole different story to me if Utley were back. We could put Victorino or Rollins somewhere behind Howard in the lineup and provide somewhat of a spark back there. But that's not the case. And until it is, there's no possible way to tell me that the lineup we are putting out there gives us the best chance to win a game.
Our pitching has kept us 2 games up in the division. Imagine if we had an offense to go with it...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Male Bag: Volume II
Welcome back to High Hopes: Haven of Masculinity (No, that's not the new tagline for the blog, it just goes with the title of Male Bag. I know that nothing about this blog other than the title of this post is at all masculine. I think we briefly discussed this last time though). The Male Bag got rave reviews the first time around, so here we go for round 2. I'll be working in a brief recap of the Marlins series as well as a preview of the Braves, so this one could end up being extra long. My suggestion: just take a look at the questions first if you don't want to read the whole thing and only read ones you want an answer to. But I'll warn you, every answer will more than likely be awesome. Remember, all of these are real questions. Except for the ones I make up.
I laughed out loud nearly the whole time I was reading your blog...except for when you droned on and on about actual Phillies-related stuff
You're welcome and I'm sorry. This comment that was relayed to me via facebook is actually a partial inspiration for the tagline search. It made me start wondering what really makes people want to read my blog because, with thoughts like that, it's clearly not the Phillies. This makes me feel even more awesome than normal (unreal, right?). I truly appreciate feedback like this because I know that some people read mainly because they love the Phillies, but it's so cool to find out that people just read so they can listen to my random ramblings. I never knew that anyone other than me enjoyed those. Well, except for my students when they don't want to hear about history.
A big goal of this blog from the beginning, though, has been to make it about more than just the Phillies. I hope that you all feel some type of personal connection to it. Comments like this are beautiful.
When are we trading Ibanez?
I will answer this question with another question. Who the crap would take him? His good series against the Nationals was followed up by a quick 0-for-2-games against the Braves until he broke out of that mini slump with a 2-hit game in game 3 of the Braves series. Then he decided to continue hitting in the Marlins series. This is the worst thing ever. He's absolutely awful. Why is John Mayberry not playing? Have I already talked about this a billion times? What is the possible downgrade of putting him in left field? He can't hit worse than Ibanez has (with the exception of a .386 average against the Marlins and Nationals combined), he can't be slower than Ibanez in the field, and he can't have less potential for future growth than the 53-year-old Ibanez. So throw him in there and let's go. I've heard the argument that we are paying Ibanez too much money to not play him. Uhhh...no. I'd be willing to start paying him MORE money to stay the heck away from our team, Adam-Eaton-style. For the poker players out there, I don't believe in any such thing as being "pot-committed." For those who aren't, that basically means you know you are going to lose but you've already invested so much money in that given hand that you'll just keep playing it anyway. That's exactly what we're doing with Ibanez if money is at all a factor. Welp, we know he's a loser, but let's play him anyway because we've spent so much money on him. Horrible idea. Let's get him out of here. Soon. And speaking of Raul, he has been a hot topic for questions thus far this season...
Raul can't be classified with NASA and the city of Pittsburgh. I feel like he is a smidge above.. right?
Right. NASA, Pittsburgh, glitter, ironing, and packing hold a special place in my heart as the sources of all that is wrong with the world. Raul Ibanez definitely does not fall into that category as I may have slightly suggested in my "Say Cheese" post. Ibanez is just painful to watch play baseball, and I'm convinced that we are a better team without him. It will be very very difficult for anyone to convince me otherwise other than Ibanez himself over the course of a month, not 2 series'. So why do I hate those other 5 things so much?
Pittsburgh - It's much easier to list the good things about Pittsburgh than the bad, because there are only 3 good things. Primanti Bros. sandwiches, the fact that all of their professional sports teams are the same colors, and my good friend B Fresh. Everything else is awful. Be more specific? No, I won't. Name something. that sucks about Pittsburgh.
NASA - This is my only political stance. Stop spending so much money on such stupid things. I acknowledge that NASA has done and will continue to do fantastic things in this world. You cannot, however, tell me that a multi-billion dollar remote control car cruising around Mars is actually worth anything. What is the Hubble telescope doing for us? Taking pictures of Saturn? What do we do with pictures of Saturn? Put them in science books, base illustrations in The Magic School Bus off of them, and make them the desktop on our computer if we're huge losers who are fascinated enough by outer space to want to think about it every time we take the computer off of hibernate. And that's worth billions and billions and billions of dollars to us. In a world that currently lacks money. Nice. Real nice.
Glitter - I've heard it referred to as "craft herpes." Amen. A student did a project using glitter while I was student teaching over a year ago, and I still randomly will find a piece of glitter on my stick of deodorant. PLEASE GO AWAY ALREADY
Ironing - What do you do with that little crease at the top of the back of a dress shirt? How can I iron that so it actually looks right? And how far up do I iron my pants? Should that crease be going straight up through each of my ass cheeks? I have no idea!
Packing - What if I go swimming? A question that has scared the living daylights out of me for every single trip I've ever gone on, whether it be for 1 night or 16 weeks. One trip to the pool adds so many things. My swim trunks. A shirt that matches them. Some flip flops. Another towel. An extra pair of socks for that day. An extra pair of underwear for that day. Let's face it, a whole new outfit for that day. And I don't want to make a decision on Friday about what I'll wear on Sunday. I need options. I need to travel comfortably, but are we going to do something once I get there that requires a nicer wardrobe? Packing sucks.
With Raul rocking the beard so far this season (apologies of this is no longer true, I'm sort of detached from the world), would you still refer to him as "naked mole-rat" V1.2 of his nickname?
This was asked earlier in the season when Raul still had a beard. He doesn't anymore because he thought it would change his luck I assume. Either way, he doesn't really deserve a nickname this season. The suggestion I gave this reader via email was "Suckhole or something like that." And the reason this reader was detached from the world is because I have officially received questions from readers "across the globe" as I suggested in my first Male Bag. This question, and others, came in from Afghanistan.
Does the Purple Doughnut Eater read your blog? If so, what are his thoughts?
This question comes from a friend of mine who works at Giant and has seen my dad buy way too many doughnuts over the years and also knows of his affinity for the color purple. Apparently these doughnuts are for "customers," but they probably are used to inject poison into them in an attempt to assassinate corrupt world leaders. If you didn't know, Paul Koehler has an unknown job that allows him to work on the road (except when he works from home or an office), work whatever hours he wants (except when he has set hours), and know every single person we ever see in public (except for the people who know him but he cannot identify). This all seems pretty shady to me, so I rarely ask questions. As for the actual question, I am not entirely sure whether or not he is reading the blog this year. I know he had in the past, and I told him about it a few weeks into this season but am not sure that his busy schedule (except when he's not busy) has allowed him to get around to it. His thoughts are generally focused on Pennridge softball and spider solitaire. I'm sure he's just happy that I don't have a blog about the softball team and second-guess his every move. I'm glad to because I'd hate to get on his bad side. Who knows what he is capable of.
How was Easter with the Koehlers?
Nice question. Unrelated to the Phillies, but a guaranteed hilarious answer. I was kind of worried about answering this for fear that some of the extended Koehlers read this blog, but then I realized that I don't have anything to be scared of because whatever I say will be true. For example, there would be no denying the fact that our extended family ate 3 separate family dinners all at my grandparents house. The Sellersville Koehlers (my immediate family) ate at the dining room table with my grandparents. Another group of the extended family ate at what used to be dubbed the "Kids Table" back when there was more than 1 kid in the family. And yet another group of family members decided to eat on the back porch. And no mixing of those 3 groups would be done. So that was a funny thing to witness. And, sorry, the ham was dry. Oh so dry. (Not that I could do any better. Thanks Pop-pop! You're efforts definitely exceeded any that I would have made, and for that you definitely deserve credit, among so many other things.)
There was also a hilarious pre-prayer wait and debate that went on. We had to wait for everyone to get there to pray for our meal. Once we established that the last guest was on their way, we waited until one of the family members who was actually there to walk outside to wait for that person, and then we prayed anyway without both of them. Where's the logic? No one's really sure.
How many games up are we?
We're up 1 game. On Major League Baseball. Yes, we have the best record in baseball currently by 1 game. In terms of the NL East (which is clearly the intent of the question), we are up 3 games on the Marlins. The Marlins are so awkwardly good this year. Josh Johnson is fantastic, but, other than him, their best players are absolutely horrendous. Hanley Ramirez is flirting with .200, and Mike Stanton only has 5 home runs and 15 RBI. This is classic Marlins. They have no business being good but they just do it anyway to piss people off. Cause we know they aren't making anyone happy by being good, judging by their attendance numbers. Taking 2 of 3 from them was awesome, especially because my predictions were pretty accurate as well. The loss for Halladay is tough (especially in a complete game where he gives up 1 earned run), but it isn't shocking with Johnson opposing him. Halladay pitched great, but Johnson is a great pitcher as well, and we can't expect to do too much against him as an offense.
How do you feel about facing Werth...and will it be a pointless and obnoxious focus of the commentary throughout the series?
This is another question from Afghanistan, and it was posed to me before our first series against the Nationals. My answer to this: I definitely think it will be an obnoxious focus of the commentary throughout any series with the Nats, mostly because it will be a focus and our commentary is always obnoxious (on TV at least). There seemed to be a lot of boos in his time in Philadelphia so far (and Washington for that matter), and I support the booing. I think he's a jerk for leaving and making it completely and unquestionably about money. I will boo Jayson Werth all day. I know he did a lot for us, but remembering the past is not exactly the Philadelphian way.
Dude I just signed up for a new comcast account and scored a free season of MLB extra innings. BOOM.
This comes from a reader in Georgia, celebrating the ability to watch the Phils in a horrible area that would only include Braves telecasts. This is so awesome, aside from the fact that he got a Comcast account. It's sad how inferior it is to Verizon. And sad how inferior everything is to D&E (now Windstream). State College certainly got something right with that cable/internet provider. And yes, I'm dead serious.
Last season you did awesome things like a glossary and picking walk-up songs for each player. Any chance that happens again this year?
I've referenced the glossary a few times, but I think I do plan on doing another one. New season, it's only right to do a new glossary. The walk-up music is a guaranteed post to come sometime in the near future. I am very excited about that one, and I have been brainstorming songs for a few weeks now. Something to look forward to.
Kill me if we don't win this series
Going into the Braves series this weekend, my biggest concern is the sanity of my sister and brother-in-law. They have to spend the weekend with Jeremiah's brother who just happens to be a Braves fan. And despite all logic and any type of reasoning, he is truly convinced that the Braves are better than the Phillies. Inspired by his ignorance, I will blindly choose the Phillies to sweep this series. I'm not even giving you the matchups for it, nor will I use the loads of Phillies vs. Braves stats I have accumulated this season. I am making this decision on the fly. Is this a cop-out for doing a preview? You could definitely say so, and I can understand you thinking that. But trust me, this is absolutely killing me. All of the work I do following the Phillies pays off the most when we play within the NL East because I can truly analyze and use the statistics I've collected. But instead, I'm going for the slap-in-the-face factor here and predicting a series sweep. And let's just say we'll win 5-1, 4-2, and 6-0. Just because the Phillies are better than the Braves. With no real reasoning to back that up. Or at least not that I'm putting in here. Look out, though, this may kill me enough to force me to justify my thoughts in the middle of the series.
Where is the tagline? And where's this new logo?
Nowhere yet. I haven't gotten many suggestions for the tagline still, and I am waiting for that to unveil the logo. Hopefully soon though. Please keep the emails, facebook messages, texts, and comments coming. Also, let me know if you want a text letting you know when I update the blog. There are a few people that I will text every so often, but no one consistently. I know a lot of people check this daily no matter what, but I am sure some of you are just left guessing. If you want to end that guessing game, let me know!
I laughed out loud nearly the whole time I was reading your blog...except for when you droned on and on about actual Phillies-related stuff
You're welcome and I'm sorry. This comment that was relayed to me via facebook is actually a partial inspiration for the tagline search. It made me start wondering what really makes people want to read my blog because, with thoughts like that, it's clearly not the Phillies. This makes me feel even more awesome than normal (unreal, right?). I truly appreciate feedback like this because I know that some people read mainly because they love the Phillies, but it's so cool to find out that people just read so they can listen to my random ramblings. I never knew that anyone other than me enjoyed those. Well, except for my students when they don't want to hear about history.
A big goal of this blog from the beginning, though, has been to make it about more than just the Phillies. I hope that you all feel some type of personal connection to it. Comments like this are beautiful.
When are we trading Ibanez?
I will answer this question with another question. Who the crap would take him? His good series against the Nationals was followed up by a quick 0-for-2-games against the Braves until he broke out of that mini slump with a 2-hit game in game 3 of the Braves series. Then he decided to continue hitting in the Marlins series. This is the worst thing ever. He's absolutely awful. Why is John Mayberry not playing? Have I already talked about this a billion times? What is the possible downgrade of putting him in left field? He can't hit worse than Ibanez has (with the exception of a .386 average against the Marlins and Nationals combined), he can't be slower than Ibanez in the field, and he can't have less potential for future growth than the 53-year-old Ibanez. So throw him in there and let's go. I've heard the argument that we are paying Ibanez too much money to not play him. Uhhh...no. I'd be willing to start paying him MORE money to stay the heck away from our team, Adam-Eaton-style. For the poker players out there, I don't believe in any such thing as being "pot-committed." For those who aren't, that basically means you know you are going to lose but you've already invested so much money in that given hand that you'll just keep playing it anyway. That's exactly what we're doing with Ibanez if money is at all a factor. Welp, we know he's a loser, but let's play him anyway because we've spent so much money on him. Horrible idea. Let's get him out of here. Soon. And speaking of Raul, he has been a hot topic for questions thus far this season...
Raul can't be classified with NASA and the city of Pittsburgh. I feel like he is a smidge above.. right?
Right. NASA, Pittsburgh, glitter, ironing, and packing hold a special place in my heart as the sources of all that is wrong with the world. Raul Ibanez definitely does not fall into that category as I may have slightly suggested in my "Say Cheese" post. Ibanez is just painful to watch play baseball, and I'm convinced that we are a better team without him. It will be very very difficult for anyone to convince me otherwise other than Ibanez himself over the course of a month, not 2 series'. So why do I hate those other 5 things so much?
Pittsburgh - It's much easier to list the good things about Pittsburgh than the bad, because there are only 3 good things. Primanti Bros. sandwiches, the fact that all of their professional sports teams are the same colors, and my good friend B Fresh. Everything else is awful. Be more specific? No, I won't. Name something. that sucks about Pittsburgh.
NASA - This is my only political stance. Stop spending so much money on such stupid things. I acknowledge that NASA has done and will continue to do fantastic things in this world. You cannot, however, tell me that a multi-billion dollar remote control car cruising around Mars is actually worth anything. What is the Hubble telescope doing for us? Taking pictures of Saturn? What do we do with pictures of Saturn? Put them in science books, base illustrations in The Magic School Bus off of them, and make them the desktop on our computer if we're huge losers who are fascinated enough by outer space to want to think about it every time we take the computer off of hibernate. And that's worth billions and billions and billions of dollars to us. In a world that currently lacks money. Nice. Real nice.
Glitter - I've heard it referred to as "craft herpes." Amen. A student did a project using glitter while I was student teaching over a year ago, and I still randomly will find a piece of glitter on my stick of deodorant. PLEASE GO AWAY ALREADY
Ironing - What do you do with that little crease at the top of the back of a dress shirt? How can I iron that so it actually looks right? And how far up do I iron my pants? Should that crease be going straight up through each of my ass cheeks? I have no idea!
Packing - What if I go swimming? A question that has scared the living daylights out of me for every single trip I've ever gone on, whether it be for 1 night or 16 weeks. One trip to the pool adds so many things. My swim trunks. A shirt that matches them. Some flip flops. Another towel. An extra pair of socks for that day. An extra pair of underwear for that day. Let's face it, a whole new outfit for that day. And I don't want to make a decision on Friday about what I'll wear on Sunday. I need options. I need to travel comfortably, but are we going to do something once I get there that requires a nicer wardrobe? Packing sucks.
With Raul rocking the beard so far this season (apologies of this is no longer true, I'm sort of detached from the world), would you still refer to him as "naked mole-rat" V1.2 of his nickname?
This was asked earlier in the season when Raul still had a beard. He doesn't anymore because he thought it would change his luck I assume. Either way, he doesn't really deserve a nickname this season. The suggestion I gave this reader via email was "Suckhole or something like that." And the reason this reader was detached from the world is because I have officially received questions from readers "across the globe" as I suggested in my first Male Bag. This question, and others, came in from Afghanistan.
Does the Purple Doughnut Eater read your blog? If so, what are his thoughts?
This question comes from a friend of mine who works at Giant and has seen my dad buy way too many doughnuts over the years and also knows of his affinity for the color purple. Apparently these doughnuts are for "customers," but they probably are used to inject poison into them in an attempt to assassinate corrupt world leaders. If you didn't know, Paul Koehler has an unknown job that allows him to work on the road (except when he works from home or an office), work whatever hours he wants (except when he has set hours), and know every single person we ever see in public (except for the people who know him but he cannot identify). This all seems pretty shady to me, so I rarely ask questions. As for the actual question, I am not entirely sure whether or not he is reading the blog this year. I know he had in the past, and I told him about it a few weeks into this season but am not sure that his busy schedule (except when he's not busy) has allowed him to get around to it. His thoughts are generally focused on Pennridge softball and spider solitaire. I'm sure he's just happy that I don't have a blog about the softball team and second-guess his every move. I'm glad to because I'd hate to get on his bad side. Who knows what he is capable of.
How was Easter with the Koehlers?
Nice question. Unrelated to the Phillies, but a guaranteed hilarious answer. I was kind of worried about answering this for fear that some of the extended Koehlers read this blog, but then I realized that I don't have anything to be scared of because whatever I say will be true. For example, there would be no denying the fact that our extended family ate 3 separate family dinners all at my grandparents house. The Sellersville Koehlers (my immediate family) ate at the dining room table with my grandparents. Another group of the extended family ate at what used to be dubbed the "Kids Table" back when there was more than 1 kid in the family. And yet another group of family members decided to eat on the back porch. And no mixing of those 3 groups would be done. So that was a funny thing to witness. And, sorry, the ham was dry. Oh so dry. (Not that I could do any better. Thanks Pop-pop! You're efforts definitely exceeded any that I would have made, and for that you definitely deserve credit, among so many other things.)
There was also a hilarious pre-prayer wait and debate that went on. We had to wait for everyone to get there to pray for our meal. Once we established that the last guest was on their way, we waited until one of the family members who was actually there to walk outside to wait for that person, and then we prayed anyway without both of them. Where's the logic? No one's really sure.
How many games up are we?
We're up 1 game. On Major League Baseball. Yes, we have the best record in baseball currently by 1 game. In terms of the NL East (which is clearly the intent of the question), we are up 3 games on the Marlins. The Marlins are so awkwardly good this year. Josh Johnson is fantastic, but, other than him, their best players are absolutely horrendous. Hanley Ramirez is flirting with .200, and Mike Stanton only has 5 home runs and 15 RBI. This is classic Marlins. They have no business being good but they just do it anyway to piss people off. Cause we know they aren't making anyone happy by being good, judging by their attendance numbers. Taking 2 of 3 from them was awesome, especially because my predictions were pretty accurate as well. The loss for Halladay is tough (especially in a complete game where he gives up 1 earned run), but it isn't shocking with Johnson opposing him. Halladay pitched great, but Johnson is a great pitcher as well, and we can't expect to do too much against him as an offense.
How do you feel about facing Werth...and will it be a pointless and obnoxious focus of the commentary throughout the series?
This is another question from Afghanistan, and it was posed to me before our first series against the Nationals. My answer to this: I definitely think it will be an obnoxious focus of the commentary throughout any series with the Nats, mostly because it will be a focus and our commentary is always obnoxious (on TV at least). There seemed to be a lot of boos in his time in Philadelphia so far (and Washington for that matter), and I support the booing. I think he's a jerk for leaving and making it completely and unquestionably about money. I will boo Jayson Werth all day. I know he did a lot for us, but remembering the past is not exactly the Philadelphian way.
Dude I just signed up for a new comcast account and scored a free season of MLB extra innings. BOOM.
This comes from a reader in Georgia, celebrating the ability to watch the Phils in a horrible area that would only include Braves telecasts. This is so awesome, aside from the fact that he got a Comcast account. It's sad how inferior it is to Verizon. And sad how inferior everything is to D&E (now Windstream). State College certainly got something right with that cable/internet provider. And yes, I'm dead serious.
Last season you did awesome things like a glossary and picking walk-up songs for each player. Any chance that happens again this year?
I've referenced the glossary a few times, but I think I do plan on doing another one. New season, it's only right to do a new glossary. The walk-up music is a guaranteed post to come sometime in the near future. I am very excited about that one, and I have been brainstorming songs for a few weeks now. Something to look forward to.
Kill me if we don't win this series
Going into the Braves series this weekend, my biggest concern is the sanity of my sister and brother-in-law. They have to spend the weekend with Jeremiah's brother who just happens to be a Braves fan. And despite all logic and any type of reasoning, he is truly convinced that the Braves are better than the Phillies. Inspired by his ignorance, I will blindly choose the Phillies to sweep this series. I'm not even giving you the matchups for it, nor will I use the loads of Phillies vs. Braves stats I have accumulated this season. I am making this decision on the fly. Is this a cop-out for doing a preview? You could definitely say so, and I can understand you thinking that. But trust me, this is absolutely killing me. All of the work I do following the Phillies pays off the most when we play within the NL East because I can truly analyze and use the statistics I've collected. But instead, I'm going for the slap-in-the-face factor here and predicting a series sweep. And let's just say we'll win 5-1, 4-2, and 6-0. Just because the Phillies are better than the Braves. With no real reasoning to back that up. Or at least not that I'm putting in here. Look out, though, this may kill me enough to force me to justify my thoughts in the middle of the series.
Where is the tagline? And where's this new logo?
Nowhere yet. I haven't gotten many suggestions for the tagline still, and I am waiting for that to unveil the logo. Hopefully soon though. Please keep the emails, facebook messages, texts, and comments coming. Also, let me know if you want a text letting you know when I update the blog. There are a few people that I will text every so often, but no one consistently. I know a lot of people check this daily no matter what, but I am sure some of you are just left guessing. If you want to end that guessing game, let me know!
Monday, May 9, 2011
At This Rate
It's time for one of my favorite posts of the season! We are now about 1/5 of the way through 2011's regular season, and we can take a look into the future...assuming the rest of the season plays out exactly as the first 33 games have. So here's what to expect:
-The Phillies will finish with an incredible 110 wins, winning the NL East by 10 games over the Marlins and sharing the best record in baseball with...the Cleveland Indians? Weird
-Only 4 players in history have had a quadruple-20 season (20 doubles, triples, home runs, and stolen bases). They are: Frank Schulte (1911), Willie Mays (1957), Jimmy Rollins (2007), and Curtis Granderson (2007). Shane Victorino will add his name to that list with 29 doubles, 20 triples, 25 home runs, and 34 stolen bases. (Fun fact: This post is copied and pasted from last year's entry with a slight change in the numbers)
-Placido Polanco will bat an incredible .366 on the season. And finish fourth for the batting title
-Ryan Howard will finish with 147 RBI, his highest total since 149 in his 58-home run MVP season. Except he will do it by hitting 23 less home runs.
-5 of the FBI's top 10 Most Wanted will be dead by October, with Phillies fans helping to share the news on ESPN all 5 times
-Phillies pitchers will have 45 saves, but no one player will have more than 25, including 0 by Brad Lidge
-Both Cole Hamels and Roy Halladay will have 20-win seasons. Cole with 20 and Roy with 25. Halladay will more than likely win the Cy Young with a 25-5 record and a 2.19 ERA
-Cliff Lee will fall just 5 strikeouts shy of 300 while having a losing record
-Christopher Wheeler will attempt to answer all 150+ Dodge Stump the Fans Trivia Questions and get about half of them right
-Thomas McCarthy will giggle at him while he attempts to answer every game
-Fans will give a crap about 0 of these occurrences
-Chase Utley will play in 0 games, but news of him running will be presented to us as if it's the cure for cancer approximately 2,550 times this season
-Vance Worley will finish 10-0 with a 0.75 ERA
-Raul Ibanez will hit just .212 this season
-John Mayberry will hit .364 as a pinch-hitter, but will start only 35 games this season while Ibanez gets over 550 at-bats
-Jayson Werth will hit .227 and finish with 43 RBI. Or about $250,000 per RBI. Well done, Nationals. Well done.
Now, in terms of my predictions at the beginning of the season:
-Joe Blanton will get 15 wins this season. No, no he won't. He'll be 0-5
-Roy Oswalt will have the lowest ERA on the team. Nope. Halladay and Hamels will have lower ones of our regular 5 starters. 2.19 for Halladay, 2.83 for Hamels, 3.33 for Oswalt
-Michael Martinez will become our everyday 2nd baseman. Actually, he'll get less than 100 at-bats and hit .158. Yikes. Wilson Valdez is the obvious choice, and Pete Orr is the cooler choice
-Rollins will hit .300. He's at .285, meaning he's on pace for .285. But .300 is still realistic
-John Mayberry will hit 15 home runs. Or 5. Yeah, 5 works.
-Ryan Howard will win a Gold Glove. Errorless in 33 games. Boom baby.
-The Phillies will beat the White Sox in a 7-game World Series. We'll win. But the White Sox have the worst record in baseball. Oh well...guess I missed on that one. But who would've predicted the Indians? Not you, so shut up.
If all of these predictions and paces mean anything, it's that we should be most worried about our next opponent, the 2nd-place Marlins. Without further ado, your Marlins preview:
Game 1: Joe Blanton (0-1, 5.92 ERA) vs. Javier Vazquez (2-2, 6.39 ERA)
I would say that we can expect the most runs out of this game if nothing else. That may seem very obvious, and that's because it is. Phillies hitters absolutely dominate Vazquez. Take a look at these batting averages against him from the last 5years:
Ben Francisco .308
Ross Gload .469
Ryan Howard .333
Raul Ibanez .320
Placido Polanco .370
These numbers are with a minimum of 13 at-bats against him. Rollins has just a .200 average and Victorino .267, but, other than that, we can expect to get some hits tonight. Joe Blanton, on the other hand, has had a good amount of success against the Marlins.
Prediction: Phillies 8 Marlins 4
Keep an eye out for: Ryan Howard re-taking the Major League lead in RBI
Game 2: Roy Halladay (5-1, 2.19 ERA) vs. Josh Johnson (3-1, 1.68 ERA)
If you can only watch one game in the series, make it this one. These two faced each other twice last year in the span of 2 weeks. One was on May 29. If that date means nothing to you, it was Roy Halladay's perfect game. What you may NOT remember about that game, though, is that Josh Johnson pitched 7 innings and gave up 1 unearned run, allowing the Phillies to win 1-0. The second matchup between them was a 2-0 win for the Marlins with Johnson pitching 8 innings of 3-hit shutout ball. Josh Johnson is probably your current NL Cy Young favorite, and Halladay is not far behind. My X-factor: Roy Halladay is 18-1 with a 1.56 ERA against the NL East since joining the Phillies. Expect greatness
Prediction: Phillies 1 Marlins 0
Keep an eye out for: Neither team getting a hit until the 5th inning.
Game 3: Cliff Lee (2-3, 3.69 ERA) vs. Ricky Nolasco (3-0, 3.23 ERA)
This game is a real toss-up to me. I have no idea what Cliff Lee will do or what our hitters will do against him. And Nolasco is having a good year and has always 0had some decent success against the Phils (6-3, 3.78 ERA). I can't see us sweeping this series, and I don't want to pick us to lose the Halladay-Johnson showdown. That combined with our success against Vazquez leaves this game as the one to lose. Sorry, Cliff. Maybe we'll score runs for you someday.
Prediction: Marlins 4 Phillies 0
Keep an eye out for: Cliff striking out double-digits again
I would be comfortable from a predictions standpoint picking either team to win all 3 of these games. It is a scary series, and one that we definitely want to win to stay in first and keep the pressure on everyone else. The coming month is not in any way an easy one for the Phils. Staying in first until Chase comes back would be a great great thing for us.
-The Phillies will finish with an incredible 110 wins, winning the NL East by 10 games over the Marlins and sharing the best record in baseball with...the Cleveland Indians? Weird
-Only 4 players in history have had a quadruple-20 season (20 doubles, triples, home runs, and stolen bases). They are: Frank Schulte (1911), Willie Mays (1957), Jimmy Rollins (2007), and Curtis Granderson (2007). Shane Victorino will add his name to that list with 29 doubles, 20 triples, 25 home runs, and 34 stolen bases. (Fun fact: This post is copied and pasted from last year's entry with a slight change in the numbers)
-Placido Polanco will bat an incredible .366 on the season. And finish fourth for the batting title
-Ryan Howard will finish with 147 RBI, his highest total since 149 in his 58-home run MVP season. Except he will do it by hitting 23 less home runs.
-5 of the FBI's top 10 Most Wanted will be dead by October, with Phillies fans helping to share the news on ESPN all 5 times
-Phillies pitchers will have 45 saves, but no one player will have more than 25, including 0 by Brad Lidge
-Both Cole Hamels and Roy Halladay will have 20-win seasons. Cole with 20 and Roy with 25. Halladay will more than likely win the Cy Young with a 25-5 record and a 2.19 ERA
-Cliff Lee will fall just 5 strikeouts shy of 300 while having a losing record
-Christopher Wheeler will attempt to answer all 150+ Dodge Stump the Fans Trivia Questions and get about half of them right
-Thomas McCarthy will giggle at him while he attempts to answer every game
-Fans will give a crap about 0 of these occurrences
-Chase Utley will play in 0 games, but news of him running will be presented to us as if it's the cure for cancer approximately 2,550 times this season
-Vance Worley will finish 10-0 with a 0.75 ERA
-Raul Ibanez will hit just .212 this season
-John Mayberry will hit .364 as a pinch-hitter, but will start only 35 games this season while Ibanez gets over 550 at-bats
-Jayson Werth will hit .227 and finish with 43 RBI. Or about $250,000 per RBI. Well done, Nationals. Well done.
Now, in terms of my predictions at the beginning of the season:
-Joe Blanton will get 15 wins this season. No, no he won't. He'll be 0-5
-Roy Oswalt will have the lowest ERA on the team. Nope. Halladay and Hamels will have lower ones of our regular 5 starters. 2.19 for Halladay, 2.83 for Hamels, 3.33 for Oswalt
-Michael Martinez will become our everyday 2nd baseman. Actually, he'll get less than 100 at-bats and hit .158. Yikes. Wilson Valdez is the obvious choice, and Pete Orr is the cooler choice
-Rollins will hit .300. He's at .285, meaning he's on pace for .285. But .300 is still realistic
-John Mayberry will hit 15 home runs. Or 5. Yeah, 5 works.
-Ryan Howard will win a Gold Glove. Errorless in 33 games. Boom baby.
-The Phillies will beat the White Sox in a 7-game World Series. We'll win. But the White Sox have the worst record in baseball. Oh well...guess I missed on that one. But who would've predicted the Indians? Not you, so shut up.
If all of these predictions and paces mean anything, it's that we should be most worried about our next opponent, the 2nd-place Marlins. Without further ado, your Marlins preview:
Game 1: Joe Blanton (0-1, 5.92 ERA) vs. Javier Vazquez (2-2, 6.39 ERA)
I would say that we can expect the most runs out of this game if nothing else. That may seem very obvious, and that's because it is. Phillies hitters absolutely dominate Vazquez. Take a look at these batting averages against him from the last 5years:
Ben Francisco .308
Ross Gload .469
Ryan Howard .333
Raul Ibanez .320
Placido Polanco .370
These numbers are with a minimum of 13 at-bats against him. Rollins has just a .200 average and Victorino .267, but, other than that, we can expect to get some hits tonight. Joe Blanton, on the other hand, has had a good amount of success against the Marlins.
Prediction: Phillies 8 Marlins 4
Keep an eye out for: Ryan Howard re-taking the Major League lead in RBI
Game 2: Roy Halladay (5-1, 2.19 ERA) vs. Josh Johnson (3-1, 1.68 ERA)
If you can only watch one game in the series, make it this one. These two faced each other twice last year in the span of 2 weeks. One was on May 29. If that date means nothing to you, it was Roy Halladay's perfect game. What you may NOT remember about that game, though, is that Josh Johnson pitched 7 innings and gave up 1 unearned run, allowing the Phillies to win 1-0. The second matchup between them was a 2-0 win for the Marlins with Johnson pitching 8 innings of 3-hit shutout ball. Josh Johnson is probably your current NL Cy Young favorite, and Halladay is not far behind. My X-factor: Roy Halladay is 18-1 with a 1.56 ERA against the NL East since joining the Phillies. Expect greatness
Prediction: Phillies 1 Marlins 0
Keep an eye out for: Neither team getting a hit until the 5th inning.
Game 3: Cliff Lee (2-3, 3.69 ERA) vs. Ricky Nolasco (3-0, 3.23 ERA)
This game is a real toss-up to me. I have no idea what Cliff Lee will do or what our hitters will do against him. And Nolasco is having a good year and has always 0had some decent success against the Phils (6-3, 3.78 ERA). I can't see us sweeping this series, and I don't want to pick us to lose the Halladay-Johnson showdown. That combined with our success against Vazquez leaves this game as the one to lose. Sorry, Cliff. Maybe we'll score runs for you someday.
Prediction: Marlins 4 Phillies 0
Keep an eye out for: Cliff striking out double-digits again
I would be comfortable from a predictions standpoint picking either team to win all 3 of these games. It is a scary series, and one that we definitely want to win to stay in first and keep the pressure on everyone else. The coming month is not in any way an easy one for the Phils. Staying in first until Chase comes back would be a great great thing for us.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Nationals Recap/Braves Preview
As some of you may know, I am nerdy enough to keep my own stats for the Phillies. It almost pains me to type that sentence because we all know that baseball has every statistic already kept somewhere, but I get some type of strange enjoyment out of it. In the more-than-slightly racist, Asian-imitating words of one of my former roommates and best friends Paul (affectionately known as Walnuts, Nuts, Gilligan, Gigli, Sack Lunch, Greta, and 35-40 other nicknames I can't think of), "I ruv numbers!" I truly do have a weird obsession with numbers, which is perhaps why I have such a weird obsession with the Phillies. Any question I ever have about the team can be answered quantitativaly.
So when you look at a series like the one against the Nationals, it is easy to see why we would sweep them. We have now won 5 out of 6 games against them. In those 6 games, our starters have accumulated an ERA of 2.15, and they've done it with plenty of work. The bullpen has pitched just 7 innings. That is truly unbelievable. Half of our games against them have been complete games by the starters including one shutout. If you haven't paid attention yet, make sure you watch in wonder the next time we play the Nationals. Our rotation is doing something truly special against them.
And, along with that, our worst offensive player this season has shined against Washington. Raul Ibanez has been absolutely horrendous this season. Except against the Nationals. He has 24 at-bats against the Nationals this year, about 23% of his season total (yes, get ready for some serious numbers here). In those 24 at-bats, he has 9 hits (41% of his season total), 6 RBI (40% of his total), 3 doubles (60%), and 2 home runs (67%). He is also batting .375 (as compared to .214 for the season) and has a 1.125 OPS (nearly double what it is for the season). Without his Nationals numbers, Ibanez is hitting .165 in 22 games. Gross. So, for all of you who think he is back, let's not get too excited. Although I would love for that to be true (but would I? Dominic Brown should be back relatively soon and John Mayberry should be playing), I feel like this is a trend we see against just the Nats. In 2009, he batted .426 against them with 8 home runs and 21 RBI. Last season, he batted .283 (not as good, but still solid) with 4 home runs (of 16 for the year). So can we please not be blinded by one good series against one bad team and sit his butt on the bench once we see him struggle over the next 3 days against the Braves?
SPEAKING of the Braves (can't you just hear Thomas McCarthy saying this horrible segue?), it should be a good series with them coming to town over the weekend. Here is a look at our matchups.
Game 1: Derek Lowe (2-3, 3.72 ERA) vs. Cliff Lee (2-2, 3.66 ERA)
This game will be a tough one. In my opinion, the key will be getting into the Braves' bullpen. In 3 games this season, they have a 6.83 ERA against us as compared to a 3.48 ERA from their starters. I don't know what to expect from Cliff Lee in looking at his last start against the Braves. It was only his second start, but he has been kind of up and down a little bit this season.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Braves 5
Keep an eye out for: All Phillies runs coming off of home runs. Lowe gets a few of his sinkers up in the strike zone and we jump on them.
Game 2: Jrrr Jrrrjrrjrrrrjrrrs (3-0, 1.52 ERA) vs. Kyle Kendrick (1-2, 2.08 ERA)
Kyle Kendrick is starting for us over Roy Oswalt. Oswalt can be expected back in about a week hopefully. Kendrick is interesting because you never know what you're going to get out of him, but you can figure it out in the first inning of every game. So, my prediction will be completely based on that. If he can get a 1-2-3 first inning, he'll pitch 7 innings and give up 2 runs. If he doesn't have a 1-2-3 first, he'll give up 2 in the first and end up giving up 6 in 4 innings before getting pulled. The good news with that is, our bullpen has yet to give up a run against the Braves this season in 9.2 innings. So, since it's not fair to make someone predict what Kyle Kendrick will do...
Prediction 1: Phillies 3 Braves 2
Prediction 2: Braves 6 Phillies 3
Keep an eye out for: The Phils bats struggling against Jrrrjrrjrrrrjrrrs. He generally shuts us down pretty well but often lacks run support. So let's hope for Prediction 1.
Game 3: TBD vs. Cole Hamels (4-1, 2.66 ERA)
Cole loves pitching at home, and he hates pitching in the afternoon. The good thing about this is it's a Sunday Night Baseball game. Without knowing the Braves pitcher, I would say look out for Shane Victorino to shine in this game and the series in general. In the first series in Atlanta, Shane batted nearly .700 (yes, nearly seven hundred...thought I'd type it out so you didn't think it was a typo) with a double, home run, and two stolen bases. Cole also threw 7 shutout innings in his first appearance against the Braves this season. And can we please recall that our starters in this 3-game series include Cole Hamels AND Cliff Lee. And Roy Oswalt was supposed to start. This rotation still makes me so excited.
Prediction: Phillies 5 Braves 1
Keep an eye out for: Bobby Valentine rivaling the Phillies broadcast team in his annoying and stupid comments. The way I found out about bin Laden dying last week was via a text conversation with one of my oldest friends. The start of the conversation was this:
Me - Bobby valentine sucks
Matt - Bin laden is dead
And on that note, go Phils and go America!
So when you look at a series like the one against the Nationals, it is easy to see why we would sweep them. We have now won 5 out of 6 games against them. In those 6 games, our starters have accumulated an ERA of 2.15, and they've done it with plenty of work. The bullpen has pitched just 7 innings. That is truly unbelievable. Half of our games against them have been complete games by the starters including one shutout. If you haven't paid attention yet, make sure you watch in wonder the next time we play the Nationals. Our rotation is doing something truly special against them.
And, along with that, our worst offensive player this season has shined against Washington. Raul Ibanez has been absolutely horrendous this season. Except against the Nationals. He has 24 at-bats against the Nationals this year, about 23% of his season total (yes, get ready for some serious numbers here). In those 24 at-bats, he has 9 hits (41% of his season total), 6 RBI (40% of his total), 3 doubles (60%), and 2 home runs (67%). He is also batting .375 (as compared to .214 for the season) and has a 1.125 OPS (nearly double what it is for the season). Without his Nationals numbers, Ibanez is hitting .165 in 22 games. Gross. So, for all of you who think he is back, let's not get too excited. Although I would love for that to be true (but would I? Dominic Brown should be back relatively soon and John Mayberry should be playing), I feel like this is a trend we see against just the Nats. In 2009, he batted .426 against them with 8 home runs and 21 RBI. Last season, he batted .283 (not as good, but still solid) with 4 home runs (of 16 for the year). So can we please not be blinded by one good series against one bad team and sit his butt on the bench once we see him struggle over the next 3 days against the Braves?
SPEAKING of the Braves (can't you just hear Thomas McCarthy saying this horrible segue?), it should be a good series with them coming to town over the weekend. Here is a look at our matchups.
Game 1: Derek Lowe (2-3, 3.72 ERA) vs. Cliff Lee (2-2, 3.66 ERA)
This game will be a tough one. In my opinion, the key will be getting into the Braves' bullpen. In 3 games this season, they have a 6.83 ERA against us as compared to a 3.48 ERA from their starters. I don't know what to expect from Cliff Lee in looking at his last start against the Braves. It was only his second start, but he has been kind of up and down a little bit this season.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Braves 5
Keep an eye out for: All Phillies runs coming off of home runs. Lowe gets a few of his sinkers up in the strike zone and we jump on them.
Game 2: Jrrr Jrrrjrrjrrrrjrrrs (3-0, 1.52 ERA) vs. Kyle Kendrick (1-2, 2.08 ERA)
Kyle Kendrick is starting for us over Roy Oswalt. Oswalt can be expected back in about a week hopefully. Kendrick is interesting because you never know what you're going to get out of him, but you can figure it out in the first inning of every game. So, my prediction will be completely based on that. If he can get a 1-2-3 first inning, he'll pitch 7 innings and give up 2 runs. If he doesn't have a 1-2-3 first, he'll give up 2 in the first and end up giving up 6 in 4 innings before getting pulled. The good news with that is, our bullpen has yet to give up a run against the Braves this season in 9.2 innings. So, since it's not fair to make someone predict what Kyle Kendrick will do...
Prediction 1: Phillies 3 Braves 2
Prediction 2: Braves 6 Phillies 3
Keep an eye out for: The Phils bats struggling against Jrrrjrrjrrrrjrrrs. He generally shuts us down pretty well but often lacks run support. So let's hope for Prediction 1.
Game 3: TBD vs. Cole Hamels (4-1, 2.66 ERA)
Cole loves pitching at home, and he hates pitching in the afternoon. The good thing about this is it's a Sunday Night Baseball game. Without knowing the Braves pitcher, I would say look out for Shane Victorino to shine in this game and the series in general. In the first series in Atlanta, Shane batted nearly .700 (yes, nearly seven hundred...thought I'd type it out so you didn't think it was a typo) with a double, home run, and two stolen bases. Cole also threw 7 shutout innings in his first appearance against the Braves this season. And can we please recall that our starters in this 3-game series include Cole Hamels AND Cliff Lee. And Roy Oswalt was supposed to start. This rotation still makes me so excited.
Prediction: Phillies 5 Braves 1
Keep an eye out for: Bobby Valentine rivaling the Phillies broadcast team in his annoying and stupid comments. The way I found out about bin Laden dying last week was via a text conversation with one of my oldest friends. The start of the conversation was this:
Me - Bobby valentine sucks
Matt - Bin laden is dead
And on that note, go Phils and go America!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sorry...Nationals Preview
The life of Cameron Koehler is not one that lacks stress or activity. With a 14-inning game, bin Laden dying, Pennridge baseball games to attend, the Flyers going into overtime, and an attempt by me at retaining my status as a teacher, it is difficult to get a minute to sit down and really reflect on a series as well as preview a new one within about 40 hours. I know what you're all thinking. "Here he goes again, giving up on the blog. Wow, it's super early this year. You really wimped out man." Well all I have to say to that is, "What are you talkin' about wimped out? W... Wha... Did you s... That guy hocked on my burger!"
However, in this case, I'M the one who...wait a second...I think I just...Yeah...I just had an idea.
It's not a really great or groundbreaking idea, but I just wanted to take a few lines to quote the greatest comedy in movie history (more on that in the next Male Bag). I'm just going to do a really quick preview of the Nationals in the next 6 minutes before I am off again for another Pennridge baseball game followed by some Pennridge basketball games. Yikes. Here it goes!
Game 1: Livan Hernandez (3-2, 3.23 ERA) vs. Cole Hamels (3-1, 3.13 ERA)
The Nationals are a team that Hamels likes to face. He is 9-3 with a 2.73 ERA against them in his career. Although I generally don't give much thought to statistics like that (because teams change every year), I think there can be a certain psychological advantage that a player holds against a team. And I teach psychology. And a student in my psychology class calls me Mr. Koehl Hamels. Is this an accident? I doubt it.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Nationals 2
Keep an eye out for: Howard starting to hit with a lot more power as the weather stays warm
Game 2: Jason Marquis (3-0, 2.62 ERA) vs. Vance Worley (1-0, 0.00 ERA)
A battle of undefeateds. The difference? We absolutely KILL Jason Marquis (see: Opening Day last season) and Worley is 1-0 in his very short career against the Nationals. A 15-pitch win last season. How's THAT for efficiency?
Prediction: Phillies 8 Nationals 6
Keep an eye out for: A much earlier exit for Worley this time as the Nats are able to figure him out the 2nd time through the lineup. The 4thish inning may be the death of him
Game 3: John Lannan (2-3, 3.78 ERA) vs. Roy Halladay (4-1, 2.14 ERA)
I hate John Lannan. If you don't remember, he's the guy who, in his major league debut, decided to make a statement by breaking Utley's hand and plunking Ryan Howard in the next at-bat. What a jerk. Oh, and Roy Halladay kills the Nationals.
Prediction: Phillies 3 Nationals 0
Keep an eye out for: John Lannan's control almost starting a brawl, except the Phillies realize that the Nationals are too pathetic to fight with
So there it is. Took me 10 minutes instead of 6. I'm out!
However, in this case, I'M the one who...wait a second...I think I just...Yeah...I just had an idea.
It's not a really great or groundbreaking idea, but I just wanted to take a few lines to quote the greatest comedy in movie history (more on that in the next Male Bag). I'm just going to do a really quick preview of the Nationals in the next 6 minutes before I am off again for another Pennridge baseball game followed by some Pennridge basketball games. Yikes. Here it goes!
Game 1: Livan Hernandez (3-2, 3.23 ERA) vs. Cole Hamels (3-1, 3.13 ERA)
The Nationals are a team that Hamels likes to face. He is 9-3 with a 2.73 ERA against them in his career. Although I generally don't give much thought to statistics like that (because teams change every year), I think there can be a certain psychological advantage that a player holds against a team. And I teach psychology. And a student in my psychology class calls me Mr. Koehl Hamels. Is this an accident? I doubt it.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Nationals 2
Keep an eye out for: Howard starting to hit with a lot more power as the weather stays warm
Game 2: Jason Marquis (3-0, 2.62 ERA) vs. Vance Worley (1-0, 0.00 ERA)
A battle of undefeateds. The difference? We absolutely KILL Jason Marquis (see: Opening Day last season) and Worley is 1-0 in his very short career against the Nationals. A 15-pitch win last season. How's THAT for efficiency?
Prediction: Phillies 8 Nationals 6
Keep an eye out for: A much earlier exit for Worley this time as the Nats are able to figure him out the 2nd time through the lineup. The 4thish inning may be the death of him
Game 3: John Lannan (2-3, 3.78 ERA) vs. Roy Halladay (4-1, 2.14 ERA)
I hate John Lannan. If you don't remember, he's the guy who, in his major league debut, decided to make a statement by breaking Utley's hand and plunking Ryan Howard in the next at-bat. What a jerk. Oh, and Roy Halladay kills the Nationals.
Prediction: Phillies 3 Nationals 0
Keep an eye out for: John Lannan's control almost starting a brawl, except the Phillies realize that the Nationals are too pathetic to fight with
So there it is. Took me 10 minutes instead of 6. I'm out!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Mets Preview
I am deciding to forego recapping the Diamondbags series because it was painful. And I partially blame myself for this one because I randomly sprung all of this hostility on Arizona without any real warning or reason. I called them "just generally losers" and said that it would be "very difficult to lose to the D-Bags;" not to mention the fact that I started calling them the Diamondbags just so I could call them a bunch of D-bags. Yes, Diamondbags, this came out of nowhere, and for that I feel slight remorse. It has now been established, though, and, because of that, it will continue. The fact is, I do not really hate the D-bags (the baseball team) at all. At least no more than any other Phillies opponent. I just think they are easy to make fun of. But I had never done that so extremely before, and no one was truly prepared for it. Here is a picture of the Diamondbags clubhouse just hours before gametime on Monday. If you look closely, you can see that someone printed out my series preview, made copies, and posted one inside each players' locker. Talk about bulletin board material. Boy am I embarrassed. This is my formal apology to all Phillies players, fans, managers, staff, family members, friends, mascots, administrators, pets, servants, and fantasy baseball managers. I should not have awoken the sleeping giant that is the Arizona Diamondbacks. (I feel in this formal apology I should use their official name) From here on out, though, they will forever be known as the Diamondbags, and there will be no reason for them to be so mean to us next time. They crushed my dog's (high) hopes** and dreams by causing us to lose our first series since getting his new Phillies collar. Granted this was the first full series that he had it, but crushed no less.
Now on to the Mets series. I can trash talk them all I want because they suck horribly and they could never be in any way successful enough for me to feel at all threatened by them. Sure they gave us our first loss of the season. But they also gave us this. And, if I'm not mistaken, this. And, undoubtedy, this.
Game 1: Mike Pelfrey (1-2, 7.23 ERA) vs. Vance Worley (0-0, -.-- ERA)
Mike Pelfrey is the Mets' ace.
Prediction: Phillies 22 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Worley taking Blanton's spot in the rotation by throwing a no-hitter.****
Game 2: Jon Niese (1-3, 5.10 ERA) vs. Roy Halladay (3-1, 2.41 ERA)
Dear Jon Niese -
I see how difficult your life is. You play for the Mets. You have to pitch against the Phillies. You gave up 6 runs in 4 innings of an 11-0 loss the first time you played us this season. You play for the Mets. You are facing Roy Halladay (5-0, 2.09 ERA in 5 starts against the Mets since joining us here in lovely Philadelphia) in this second game of what is sure to be another series loss for your team (6 out of 9 so far). And (did I mention?) that team is the Mets. I would encourage you to not be so offended by my blog, though. I do appreciate you reading it, and I would hope you could do me a favor and maybe tell a few Phillies players about it during the series this weekend. But really, Jon, it's not personal. I realize how bad things are for you. I mean, you play for the Mets. Yikes! But once again, thanks.
Sincerely,
Cam
Sorry, but I felt I had to make a personal shoutout to the one individual major league player (as opposed to the entire Diamondbags team) who I know reads my blog. How do I know he reads my blog? Well, how else do you explain his name? If you never click on a link in your life, click on this one anyway to my first Mets preview and look at what I wrote about the Mets' pitcher in game 3. I'm in his head! He's shook! Maybe he'll be better now that he's less of an idiot, but his life still sucks for the most part. I mean, come on, he's a Met.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Roy finally closing out a shutout.
Game 3: TBD (the Mets suck) vs. Cliff Lee (2-2, 4.18 ERA)
Cliff looked good in his last start. He was striking people out like it was his job (mostly because it is) and, aside from a few home runs, he looked very sharp. The Phillies really just needed to give him SOME type of run support in that game. It seems anyone could have pitched as well as possible, and it wouldn't have mattered when we could only muster****** 3 hits. Opposing Cliff Lee is no one yet, and that's because the Mets suck. They aren't even good at figuring out starters. Blanton went on the DL and we had a replacement named before you could say "The term 'disabled list' is hilarious."
Prediction: Phillies 4 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Shutting the Mets out in the series. Because they suck. Oh wow how they suck. Plus, they did it to us once last season, and I don't like that.
In other, non-Mets news, I feel like the Roy Oswalt situation should be addressed. Although this blog is generally a place for sarcasm and jokes, I think it is seriously such a great thing that Roy is taking this time to make sure his family is in good shape. And it is great of the Phillies organization to let this happen. I would encourage everyone to keep the Oswalt family in your prayers. Roy will be back whenever he is ready, and I don't even want to speculate on a timetable the more I think about it. There is honestly no reason to worry about the success of the Phillies in his absence because, if nothing else, this situation should show us the importance of the world outside of sports and the insignificance of Phillies wins and losses in the broader scope of life.
Please remember to submit your ideas for a High Hopes tagline. I have gotten a few submissions so far, but I still haven't gotten YOURS. You know I do this for free right? I take hours out of my life to research these other teams and to watch every Phillies game and analyze every box score so I can provide for you some insight on the Phillies in a light-hearted way. My salary is the smile of every reader. But that smile is a lot harder to see when you don't email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com********
**Use the title of the blog in every post from now on? Challenge: Accepted!
****OK so I actually want to say more about this game but I left it so brief for the comedic effect (classic Cam...anything for a laugh). We have a lot of experience against Pelfrey and have been known to hit him around on occasion. He's also been battling flu like symptoms (aka he has a weak mind and can't think sickness away like I do) so he could be less effective due to that. And Ryan Howard will hopefully jump all over that because I picked him today for MLB.com's Beat The Streak (the easiest (or hardest) 5.6 million dollars I'll ever make). Meanwhile, we are giving Vance Worley his 3rd career start in place of the DL'd Joe Blanton. Worley is, in all honesty, campaigning with this start (and probably Joe's next one) to be our 5th starter if Joe gets traded or anyone is injured for an extended period of time. So that no-hit, 22-0 win will really benefit him.
******Muster is such an awesome word
********You're right, I can't see your smile even if you do email me. And who am I kidding? Take time out of my life? Anyone have any giant sugar cubes for my high horse? This is my life, and I love it whether you justify that love or not**********
**********But please justify it. Email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com************
************I think I'm gonna have to start using footnotes with numbers rather than a billion asterisks. Plus typing out "asterisks" makes me say the word in my mind and that is a sucky word to say.
Now on to the Mets series. I can trash talk them all I want because they suck horribly and they could never be in any way successful enough for me to feel at all threatened by them. Sure they gave us our first loss of the season. But they also gave us this. And, if I'm not mistaken, this. And, undoubtedy, this.
Game 1: Mike Pelfrey (1-2, 7.23 ERA) vs. Vance Worley (0-0, -.-- ERA)
Mike Pelfrey is the Mets' ace.
Prediction: Phillies 22 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Worley taking Blanton's spot in the rotation by throwing a no-hitter.****
Game 2: Jon Niese (1-3, 5.10 ERA) vs. Roy Halladay (3-1, 2.41 ERA)
Dear Jon Niese -
I see how difficult your life is. You play for the Mets. You have to pitch against the Phillies. You gave up 6 runs in 4 innings of an 11-0 loss the first time you played us this season. You play for the Mets. You are facing Roy Halladay (5-0, 2.09 ERA in 5 starts against the Mets since joining us here in lovely Philadelphia) in this second game of what is sure to be another series loss for your team (6 out of 9 so far). And (did I mention?) that team is the Mets. I would encourage you to not be so offended by my blog, though. I do appreciate you reading it, and I would hope you could do me a favor and maybe tell a few Phillies players about it during the series this weekend. But really, Jon, it's not personal. I realize how bad things are for you. I mean, you play for the Mets. Yikes! But once again, thanks.
Sincerely,
Cam
Sorry, but I felt I had to make a personal shoutout to the one individual major league player (as opposed to the entire Diamondbags team) who I know reads my blog. How do I know he reads my blog? Well, how else do you explain his name? If you never click on a link in your life, click on this one anyway to my first Mets preview and look at what I wrote about the Mets' pitcher in game 3. I'm in his head! He's shook! Maybe he'll be better now that he's less of an idiot, but his life still sucks for the most part. I mean, come on, he's a Met.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Roy finally closing out a shutout.
Game 3: TBD (the Mets suck) vs. Cliff Lee (2-2, 4.18 ERA)
Cliff looked good in his last start. He was striking people out like it was his job (mostly because it is) and, aside from a few home runs, he looked very sharp. The Phillies really just needed to give him SOME type of run support in that game. It seems anyone could have pitched as well as possible, and it wouldn't have mattered when we could only muster****** 3 hits. Opposing Cliff Lee is no one yet, and that's because the Mets suck. They aren't even good at figuring out starters. Blanton went on the DL and we had a replacement named before you could say "The term 'disabled list' is hilarious."
Prediction: Phillies 4 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Shutting the Mets out in the series. Because they suck. Oh wow how they suck. Plus, they did it to us once last season, and I don't like that.
In other, non-Mets news, I feel like the Roy Oswalt situation should be addressed. Although this blog is generally a place for sarcasm and jokes, I think it is seriously such a great thing that Roy is taking this time to make sure his family is in good shape. And it is great of the Phillies organization to let this happen. I would encourage everyone to keep the Oswalt family in your prayers. Roy will be back whenever he is ready, and I don't even want to speculate on a timetable the more I think about it. There is honestly no reason to worry about the success of the Phillies in his absence because, if nothing else, this situation should show us the importance of the world outside of sports and the insignificance of Phillies wins and losses in the broader scope of life.
Please remember to submit your ideas for a High Hopes tagline. I have gotten a few submissions so far, but I still haven't gotten YOURS. You know I do this for free right? I take hours out of my life to research these other teams and to watch every Phillies game and analyze every box score so I can provide for you some insight on the Phillies in a light-hearted way. My salary is the smile of every reader. But that smile is a lot harder to see when you don't email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com********
**Use the title of the blog in every post from now on? Challenge: Accepted!
****OK so I actually want to say more about this game but I left it so brief for the comedic effect (classic Cam...anything for a laugh). We have a lot of experience against Pelfrey and have been known to hit him around on occasion. He's also been battling flu like symptoms (aka he has a weak mind and can't think sickness away like I do) so he could be less effective due to that. And Ryan Howard will hopefully jump all over that because I picked him today for MLB.com's Beat The Streak (the easiest (or hardest) 5.6 million dollars I'll ever make). Meanwhile, we are giving Vance Worley his 3rd career start in place of the DL'd Joe Blanton. Worley is, in all honesty, campaigning with this start (and probably Joe's next one) to be our 5th starter if Joe gets traded or anyone is injured for an extended period of time. So that no-hit, 22-0 win will really benefit him.
******Muster is such an awesome word
********You're right, I can't see your smile even if you do email me. And who am I kidding? Take time out of my life? Anyone have any giant sugar cubes for my high horse? This is my life, and I love it whether you justify that love or not**********
**********But please justify it. Email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com************
************I think I'm gonna have to start using footnotes with numbers rather than a billion asterisks. Plus typing out "asterisks" makes me say the word in my mind and that is a sucky word to say.
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