Mets Preview

I am deciding to forego recapping the Diamondbags series because it was painful. And I partially blame myself for this one because I randomly sprung all of this hostility on Arizona without any real warning or reason. I called them "just generally losers" and said that it would be "very difficult to lose to the D-Bags;" not to mention the fact that I started calling them the Diamondbags just so I could call them a bunch of D-bags. Yes, Diamondbags, this came out of nowhere, and for that I feel slight remorse. It has now been established, though, and, because of that, it will continue. The fact is, I do not really hate the D-bags (the baseball team) at all. At least no more than any other Phillies opponent. I just think they are easy to make fun of. But I had never done that so extremely before, and no one was truly prepared for it. Here is a picture of the Diamondbags clubhouse just hours before gametime on Monday. If you look closely, you can see that someone printed out my series preview, made copies, and posted one inside each players' locker. Talk about bulletin board material. Boy am I embarrassed. This is my formal apology to all Phillies players, fans, managers, staff, family members, friends, mascots, administrators, pets, servants, and fantasy baseball managers. I should not have awoken the sleeping giant that is the Arizona Diamondbacks. (I feel in this formal apology I should use their official name) From here on out, though, they will forever be known as the Diamondbags, and there will be no reason for them to be so mean to us next time. They crushed my dog's (high) hopes** and dreams by causing us to lose our first series since getting his new Phillies collar. Granted this was the first full series that he had it, but crushed no less.

Now on to the Mets series. I can trash talk them all I want because they suck horribly and they could never be in any way successful enough for me to feel at all threatened by them. Sure they gave us our first loss of the season. But they also gave us this. And, if I'm not mistaken, this. And, undoubtedy, this.

Game 1: Mike Pelfrey (1-2, 7.23 ERA) vs. Vance Worley (0-0, -.-- ERA)
Mike Pelfrey is the Mets' ace.
Prediction: Phillies 22 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Worley taking Blanton's spot in the rotation by throwing a no-hitter.****

Game 2: Jon Niese (1-3, 5.10 ERA) vs. Roy Halladay (3-1, 2.41 ERA)
Dear Jon Niese -

I see how difficult your life is. You play for the Mets. You have to pitch against the Phillies. You gave up 6 runs in 4 innings of an 11-0 loss the first time you played us this season. You play for the Mets. You are facing Roy Halladay (5-0, 2.09 ERA in 5 starts against the Mets since joining us here in lovely Philadelphia) in this second game of what is sure to be another series loss for your team (6 out of 9 so far). And (did I mention?) that team is the Mets. I would encourage you to not be so offended by my blog, though. I do appreciate you reading it, and I would hope you could do me a favor and maybe tell a few Phillies players about it during the series this weekend. But really, Jon, it's not personal. I realize how bad things are for you. I mean, you play for the Mets. Yikes! But once again, thanks.

Sincerely,
Cam

Sorry, but I felt I had to make a personal shoutout to the one individual major league player (as opposed to the entire Diamondbags team) who I know reads my blog. How do I know he reads my blog? Well, how else do you explain his name? If you never click on a link in your life, click on this one anyway to my first Mets preview and look at what I wrote about the Mets' pitcher in game 3. I'm in his head! He's shook! Maybe he'll be better now that he's less of an idiot, but his life still sucks for the most part. I mean, come on, he's a Met.
Prediction: Phillies 6 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Roy finally closing out a shutout.

Game 3: TBD (the Mets suck) vs. Cliff Lee (2-2, 4.18 ERA)
Cliff looked good in his last start. He was striking people out like it was his job (mostly because it is) and, aside from a few home runs, he looked very sharp. The Phillies really just needed to give him SOME type of run support in that game. It seems anyone could have pitched as well as possible, and it wouldn't have mattered when we could only muster****** 3 hits. Opposing Cliff Lee is no one yet, and that's because the Mets suck. They aren't even good at figuring out starters. Blanton went on the DL and we had a replacement named before you could say "The term 'disabled list' is hilarious."
Prediction: Phillies 4 Mets 0
Keep an eye out for: Shutting the Mets out in the series. Because they suck. Oh wow how they suck. Plus, they did it to us once last season, and I don't like that.

In other, non-Mets news, I feel like the Roy Oswalt situation should be addressed. Although this blog is generally a place for sarcasm and jokes, I think it is seriously such a great thing that Roy is taking this time to make sure his family is in good shape. And it is great of the Phillies organization to let this happen. I would encourage everyone to keep the Oswalt family in your prayers. Roy will be back whenever he is ready, and I don't even want to speculate on a timetable the more I think about it. There is honestly no reason to worry about the success of the Phillies in his absence because, if nothing else, this situation should show us the importance of the world outside of sports and the insignificance of Phillies wins and losses in the broader scope of life.

Please remember to submit your ideas for a High Hopes tagline. I have gotten a few submissions so far, but I still haven't gotten YOURS. You know I do this for free right? I take hours out of my life to research these other teams and to watch every Phillies game and analyze every box score so I can provide for you some insight on the Phillies in a light-hearted way. My salary is the smile of every reader. But that smile is a lot harder to see when you don't email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com********

**Use the title of the blog in every post from now on? Challenge: Accepted!

****OK so I actually want to say more about this game but I left it so brief for the comedic effect (classic Cam...anything for a laugh). We have a lot of experience against Pelfrey and have been known to hit him around on occasion. He's also been battling flu like symptoms (aka he has a weak mind and can't think sickness away like I do) so he could be less effective due to that. And Ryan Howard will hopefully jump all over that because I picked him today for MLB.com's Beat The Streak (the easiest (or hardest) 5.6 million dollars I'll ever make). Meanwhile, we are giving Vance Worley his 3rd career start in place of the DL'd Joe Blanton. Worley is, in all honesty, campaigning with this start (and probably Joe's next one) to be our 5th starter if Joe gets traded or anyone is injured for an extended period of time. So that no-hit, 22-0 win will really benefit him.

******Muster is such an awesome word

********You're right, I can't see your smile even if you do email me. And who am I kidding? Take time out of my life? Anyone have any giant sugar cubes for my high horse? This is my life, and I love it whether you justify that love or not**********

**********But please justify it. Email me. cskoehler5@gmail.com************

************I think I'm gonna have to start using footnotes with numbers rather than a billion asterisks. Plus typing out "asterisks" makes me say the word in my mind and that is a sucky word to say.