There's Always Something

I would absolutely hate to be a Pirates fan.

Whether or not they are the worst team in baseball in an individual season is always up for debate. What may not be as debatable, however, is their standing over the past 18 seasons. In each of those 18 seasons, there has been one constant: a Pirates losing record. Even the Royals have had a winning season in that time. During that time, the Rays went from being a franchise finishing last or 2nd to last every year in their history to becoming an American League champion and perennial contender in the AL East with 2 of the most storied franchises in the history of the sport. The Phillies went from the World Series to 15 years without the playoffs to the World Series again. Twice in a row. Over all that time, though, the Pirates have done one thing. Sucked.

So why do I bring this up? Is it just to torture one of my best friends? No, not at all. The reason I say all of this is because I cannot imagine how much there is to complain about with a team that struggles that much considering how much I can complain about a team that succeeds as much as the Phillies. And it's not just me! I actually feel like I complain the least (the only time that will ever be true of me).

Over the past 4 seasons or so, you could listen to almost any Phillies analyst talk about how much of a problem it was that our offense hit so many home runs and could barely score runs in any other ways. And, at least a good amount of the time, this could be considered true.

Fast forward to this season. Subtract Pat Burrell, Jayson Werth, and Chase Utley. Now, through 17 games (11 of which we have actually won, by the way), there are articles in the newspaper talking about how Uncle Chuck wants us hitting more home runs. I was listening to the radio last night after we got shut out, and all they could talk about was how screwed we are because we should be hitting home runs and not relying on small ball.

So clearly there is always something to complain about, even if your team wins 4 straight division titles, currently sits atop that division again, and has one of the best starting rotations ever put together.

It is true that things are much different right now than they have been in awhile. It's weird having only one true home run threat in the lineup. So what do we do about that? Complaining is fun, but it gets us nowhere. So here's my solution:

CF Shane Victorino
3B Placido Polanco
RF John Mayberry
1B Ryan Howard
C Carlos Ruiz
SS Jimmy Rollins
LF Ben Francisco
2B Wilson Valdez
P pitcher

But Cameron, that's not our lineup! Please explain!

Ok, ok. Settle down everyone. Victorino, Polanco, Howard, and Valdez stay the same. So here's my explanation for the rest:
John Mayberry hitting 3rd seems crazy because he's not even an every day player. I understand that. What I don't understand, though, is Raul Ibanez ever playing baseball. He's hitting .219, and he's not exactly winning a Gold Glove anytime soon. Why are we still doing this? Let's give Mayberry his first shot at being a regular starter and see what he can do. And let's throw him right into the fire. Stop hiding him down in the 6th spot in the order. We could use power in the 3 spot, and he provides some of that.
Chooch batting 5th is risky because he grounds into a lot of double plays and Howard ends up on first a decent amount of the time, but I think he's earned a move up in the lineup. And I want to have Jimmy switch-hitting in the 6th spot so we don't have too many right-handed hitters in a row. Joe Camel and Valdez can round out that lineup and that gives us a little bit of power in that 7th spot.

I think our lineup needs to be shaken up a little bit while Chase is out. Whether any of these changes make sense, I don't know. Except sitting Raul. Can we please do that? Because he sucks.

I've also heard complaints about Joe Blanton being a 5th starter for us. I will wait until he picks things up in a few starts to then tell everyone they were wrong, rather than just telling them that they are wrong right now.

But even once that gets resolved, there will be more things for us to complain about. What they will be, we don't really know. But let's just thank God we aren't from Pittsburgh (for SO many reasons, with the focus currently being on the baseball team). And to the only true Pirates fan I know (funny how I know more than one Steelers fan and Penguins fan, though. Hm...): Ben Follett, I respect you. How do you do it?

Although we have all sorts of things to complain about, it can always be worse. It can even be worse than being a Pirates fan. Because nothing tops a Mets fan.