Throughout this poost, you may see words that you think are misspelled. That's because they are. But they are misspelled because I am trying to type this with a Canadian accent. Also, in light of this series taking place in Canada, I am going to attempt to be as polite as possible. To everyone. Congrats, Thomas and Christopher.
My 13-year-old self would probably peg me with tennis balls right now*.
I woke up at 7:34 this morning. Why did I wake up so early? To watch tennis. And while watching tennis, I researched Canada. What is happening to my life?
But, please, Past Cam, doon't overreact. This isn't as bad as it seems. Look on the bright side: I'm waking up at 7:34 because I chose to, not because I have work. And it's not like I doon't have a job. My job just doesn't require doing much of anything in the summer (and just ignore the 10- or 12-hour days during the school year). The tennis is Wimbledon, and we both know that Wimbledon is awesome. And the reason I'm researching Canada? Mostly to try to be funny while writing about the Phillies. And we both knoow that I'll do anything for a laugh, eh? Oh, and no worries. The Phillies are good now! Like, really good! Not a bunch of hosers like they were back in your day. So that's not a waste of time either (if I keep telling myself this, it must be true). I doon't, however, have any excuse for not being in any way physically active. But I was lazy back then, too, eh?
So here are things that I knew aboat Canada before this morning:
-Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother character) was a Canadian teen pop sensation knoown as Robin Sparkles
-Canada Day exists, and Robin Sparkles will "rock your body 'til Canada Day" (you should really click those links, the songs are hilarious and awesome, eh?)
-Inspired by a Blue Jays player being on my fantasy baseball team, I named the team Robin Sparkles
-There was somewhere around 1 murder in Canada last year, and it was a stray bullet from Detroit
-Curling is the greatest sport in history, eh?
-Canadian accents are awesome
-Canada is America's hat
What I've learned pretty quickly this morning:
-Not oonly are their accents awesome, but their slang is pretty wicked too, eh?
-Canada Day has something to do with the creation of Canada, but I didn't take the time to read the whoole thing. It's today, though! (I actually learned this from Thomas McCarthy yesterday, and I will choose not to say anything else about him)
-"Poutine" is a Canadian dish that's centered around french fries, gravy, cheese curds, and impending heart attacks (sign me up!)
And the best thing of all about Canada? Matt Stairs is Canadian!
I have been toold, and I would tootally agree with this statement, that I seem like the type of person who would hate Canada. But what's not to love? Maybe the health care system? I doon't knoow, but I usually doon't get too worked up about that type of stuff. They basically oonly take one sport all that seriously up there, making their fans much crazier than ours I think. Also, their police are called "mounties," they ride horses, and they look like this. And, most importantly, they gave us Bryan Adams and Celine Dion. I'm soold.
As for this series in Toronto with the Blue Jays, I'm not trying to be a keener or anything, but I just hoope everyone has fun and nobody looks like a hoser, eh? It's all aboat havin' fun and just enjoyin' the game, eh? A weird thing to try not to forget is the fact that each of these 3 games is an afternoon game. If you watched yesterday's afternoon game against the Red Sox, you should have no trouble forgetting because Christopher and Thomas reminded us a few times that all of the games would be played in the afternoon. What a lovely and consistent observation by them!
So take a long lunch, have some poutine, butter tarts, Canadian bacon, and maple syrup. Grab a bottle Molson, a glass of homo milk, a shot of Crown Royal, or a can of Canada Dry. Put on your toque and a flannel shirt, sit back, relax, and enjoy life as a Canuck for a weekend, eh. (But get over it quickly. We've got some serious Amurica to celebrate on Monday!)
Game 1: Kyle Kendrick (4-4, 3.23 ERA) vs. Ricky Romero (7-7, 2.74 ERA)
Romero is a great pitcher who clearly is not getting enough run support. A 7-7 record with an ERA that low is a shame, eh?. Kendrick has been much the opposite throughout his career. He seems to be an average pitcher but can consistently get some runs from the offense and pick up more wins than he might really deserve. My scouting report on Kendrick is the same as always...we'll see how the first inning goes. And this can be a challenging first inning, so it will definitely be telling. Yunel Escobar (leadoff) leads the Jays with 86 hits, and Jose Bautista (batting 3rd) leads them in every other category. For a Canadian team, they sure do have a lot of names that are coming from south of the border it seems. The good news there, though, is that Escobar (a former Brave) is just 1 for 16 lifetime against Kendrick. Romero has shut us down in the past (1-0, 1.93 ERA in 2 starts), and I think he has oonly gotten better since we last saw him in '09. I doon't expect great things oat of this game for the Phils.
Prediction: Blue Jays 6 Phillies 1
Keep an eye oat for: where we play Utley in this series. We may not want him moving around too much on the turf, so do we stick him at DH? It will be interesting to see how we utilize the DH throughout the series (not Ben Francisco, eh? *fingers crossed*)
Game 2: Roy Halladay (10-3, 2.40 ERA) vs. Carlos Villanueva (5-1, 3.15 ERA)
Fun fact: Carlos Villanueva pitches for the Toronto Blue Jays, and Charlie Villanueva was drafted in 2005 by the Toronto Raptors. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. Not so fun fact: In 14.1 innings against us, Carlos has a 1.26 ERA and 19 strikeouts. I think that he will struggle, though, in the shadow of Halladay's return to Toronto. Halladay has held the current Jays' roster to a .152 average in 66 at bats with just 1 run batted in. In his game against Toronto last year, we won 9-0 in one of those weird away games played at The Cit. He only went 7 in the shutoat, but I think he takes it a little further this time, eh?.
Prediction: Phillies 5 Blue Jays 0
Keep an eye oat for: a great reception of Roy Halladay by Blue Jays fans. And a Halladay complete game shutoat
Game 3: Cliff Lee (9-5, 2.66 ERA) vs. Jo-Jo Reyes (3-7, 4.77 ERA)
Until a little over a month ago, Jo-Jo Reyes hadn't gotten a win in 28 starts, a streak dating back to June of 2008. That means in between Jo-Jo's wins, the Phillies won 3 division titles, 2 NL titles, and 1 World Series title. And Cliff Lee, in that time, won 47 games. As a former Braves pitcher, we've seen a decent amount of Jo-Jo, and I expect that experience to pay off for us in this game. As a former AL pitcher, the Blue Jays have seen a decent amount of Cliff and actually enjoyed some success against him. What they haven't seen, though, is Cliff Lee in the past month, eh?. Let's hoope he can keep doing what he's been doing despite it now being July, and we can do a little more damage to Reyes' 0-3 record and 6.99 ERA against the Phightin's, eh?
Prediction: Phillies 6 Blue Jays 1
Keep an eye oat for: Cliff extending those scoreless innings to 39 then coming oat after 7. The bullpen will blow the shutoat
*Funny story about a teenage me pegging people with tennis balls. I used to play a game with a few friends in front of our house that involved throwing a tennis ball at a pole and trying to hit it. One of the many, many extensive rules of the game was that if we pegged some annoying little kid on a bike while playing, that was an automatic win. I did this once (it wasn't that hard, and I'm not (that) proud of it). Fastforward to the fall of this past year. This same kid and I figured oat that he was in my psychology class. I doon't think I could make this up if I wanted to. If you want help defining the word irony, why not look at a situation where someone teaches psychology to a kid that they clearly mentally (and possibly physically) scarred for life.
If you loved this poost and Canada in general, I would encourage you to check out this website that helped me in writing it, as well as many others when you search things such as "good things about Canada"
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