Male Bag: Volume V

Email me your questions or comments at PhilsHighHopes@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @PhilsHighHopes so you can end up in the next edition of the Male Bag! Also, give some ideas for how to celebrate 5,000 page views. We're over 4,000, and I have basically no clue at this point how to revel in this accomplishment together.

We've now managed to get up to the 5th edition of the Male Bag, which is pretty unbelievable to me. Not only unbelievable that we've made it this far in the season, but also unbelievable that I am getting enough questions and comments to put together a Male Bag. It was just a few months ago that I had to make up half the questions for the Male Bag. Now, we're almost at the point where I can include peoples' names with the questions or comments because they are coming from so many different readers. But let's not get too hasty, there will still end up being something like 6 things from one person in this Male Bag probably. I'm also at a point where I'm actually leaving out comments that I once planned on including! But that's mostly because people (*ahem*) are complaining that my posts are too long. With that said, let's get started with a little Hunter Pence talk

Congrats on Pence and your World Series win
It's like we got him for a sixpence.
Is the Pence deal gonna be worth it?

Rather than separate these 3 comments/questions, I'll just address them all at once. First of all, we should absolutely win the World Series with Hunter Pence. It creates much more of a "complete team" that every city wants right now. We are 14-3 since his arrival, and we're 13-1 when he gets a hit. He's batting .328 with a .400 on base percentage. Ryan Howard has benefited, and our pitchers have benefited because they don't need to throw a shutout every game. The "sixpence" comment came from Cheese, and it was the best comment I got from anyone. For the impact he has had, it feels like we've given up nothing at all. And as for whether or not it will be worth it? Well, our record speaks for itself. But speaking of speaking, Hunter Pence is hilarious. It's worth it just for a quote like "Good game, let's go eat." As if that weren't enough, though, Jayson Stark recently wrote a little about how the Phillies coaches are reacting to him. Charlie Manuel apparently hesitates to give him a high-five. "Stick out your arm, and he might break it." And Pete Mackanin, our bench coach, jokingly suggested that he start getting some bloop singles. Pence's reply: "Pete, I don't do that. I melt faces." Yes. The deal is worth it.

How can we win the World Series with one ace, a 47-year-old, a wife beater, and a fat farmer but not with 3 aces?

The short answer is: we can't. We absolutely should win the World Series this year, and we are currently the favorites with 8/5 odds to win it (luckily I made my bet when we were 5/2. Not that I gamble). It is crazy to think about the starters we had in '08 as compared to our current rotation. The big difference is how sure we were of the 8th and 9th inning back then. In '08, if we could get through 7 innings, we'd win. Now, we can definitely get through 7 innings, and then we should win. Although that's a very slight difference, it's actually a very huge difference. And speaking of...

Any chance '08 Lidge is coming

I would say there's no way. There's just a different feeling when he comes to the mound. In 2008, I could go to sleep knowing we won. Except I watched because it was awesome. Now, I don't want to watch because I'm uncomfortable, but I need to see what happens because it could truly be anything. He might strike out the side on some of those famous disappearing sliders, or he might walk 2 guys, hit someone, and give up a grand slam. In '08, he barely even let people on base. Now, any base runner is almost guaranteed to be on 2nd because he is so incredibly predictable and slow to the plate. While I forgive him for '09, it's impossible to forget '09 and get this painful feeling out of my head as he comes out of the bullpen.

Will one of the Phillies probably win the Cy Young?

I would hope so. Even if one pitcher is better than Halladay, Hamels, and Lee, you kind of have to feel like one of them gets it anyway just to be fair to the organization. I don't see it being too much of an issue, though. Halladay leads the NL with 15 wins. Lee and Hamels are tied for 4th with 13. Lee is second in strikeouts, Halladay 4th, and Hamels 6th. Halladay has the 4th-lowest ERA, Hamels the 6th, and Lee the 7th. Hamels has the lowest WHIP, Halladay 4th, Lee 5th. The quality start percentages are 80% for Hamels and Halladay and 72% for Lee. Strikeout-to-walk ratio? Halladay first, Lee second, Hamels third. Halladay, Hamels, and Lee are 1st, 2nd, and 3rd for average game score as well. They're all in the top 12 for strikeouts per nine innings. They are also all in the top 5 in opponents' on base percentage. Cliff Lee, the least likely of the 3 to win the Cy Young in my opinion, has 5 shutouts this season. With Hamels missing a start and his immediate future kind of unsure, I would say that Halladay has the best shot of winning it again this season. He'll have 20+ wins and somewhere around a 2.50 ERA. Lee is trying to put together a June-like August, but those are really his only great months. This is pretty crazy: Without June and August, he's 5-7 with a 4.22 ERA. In June and August, though, he's 8-0 with a 0.41 ERA. While I think it's Halladay's award to lose with Hamels a close second, Lee can steal it by keeping up this August and putting together a respectable September.

I'm going to the Phillies game today and, of course, Kendrick is pitching. I feel guilty because I'm more excited to see Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson than I am to see our own pitchers. Is that bad?

This question obviously came from a few weeks ago when the Giants were in town. This question, though, can still apply to games that remain in our schedule. There are times when you will see a matchup like this one, and it is very clear who the more exciting starting pitcher is. I don't think it's something you have to feel bad about. You go in thinking that the Phils are going to lose, and there's nothing wrong with that because it's baseball. Teams lose all the time. But, on the other hand, it's baseball, and teams lose all the time. So while on paper this game is easy to pick, sometimes Kyle Kendrick can surprise people and sometimes Tim Lincecum can struggle or Brian Wilson can blow a save. If you go in expecting greatness from the other side, you are either excited to see that greatness, or pleasantly surprised that the Phillies beat them. That's as close to a win-win as it gets.

Where did the phrase "Texas Leaguer" come from?

If you were unaware, a "Texas Leaguer" is a bloop single basically. According to some sweet glossary of baseball that Wikipedia has, the term Texas Leaguer comes from a guy named Ollie Pickering, who was a popular player in the Texas League (one of the minor leagues). When he made his major league debut, he had 7 straight bloop singles, and one of the announcers said, "Well, there goes Pickering with another one of those 'Texas Leaguers.'"

Just saw Charlie Manuel's win-loss record on TV. Does a manager still get the decision if ejected?

This was a tough one to find a straight answer for, so I am kind of making an assumption here. That assumption is based on baseball-reference.com, though, so it's gotta be right. Charlie Manuel has been ejected more than 30 times since taking over as Phillies manager. If you look at his managerial record on baseball-reference, though, it shows him coaching 162 games each season and giving him a win or a loss for each one of those. Even games where he's gotten ejected in the 2nd inning. So, yes, a manager does still get the decision if ejected.

Pat the Bat

This comment was via Twitter in response to us totally sucking at getting a hit prior to obtaining Hunter Pence. It would be sweet to get Burrell back for a nice little playoff run. I'm not suggesting he would actually play, but he would be a nice guy to have on a roster come World Series DH time. At this point, we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves, but, at the same time, we should be prepared for needing a DH in an AL ballpark. If Ben Francisco steps into the batter's box in the World Series, I fear we've already lost. Right now, Ibanez (ugh) makes the most sense as a DH, since we clearly have some weird obsession with having him in the lineup even though he can't play defense to save his life. Mayberry would also be a good choice, especially since he's been pretty good as a pinch hitter this season, but he should really be playing outfield instead of Ibanez. It would also be cool if we could pick up Jim Thome to be our DH. He's one of Philadelphia's all-time favorites, and it would be nice to get him a World Series ring to go along with the 600th career home run he recently hit.

I hate mosquitoes. Do they serve any purpose aside from making people mad? Seriously, I want to know.

This is another question that came from Twitter, and I'll admit that it wasn't actually directed at me. It was, however, posted by the Iron Pigs' Justin De Fratus, a 23-year-old relief pitcher. I responded to this question with the following:
@JustinDeFratus mosquitoes store dino DNA so John Hammond can someday create Jurassic Park #alltimebackfires
De Fratus hit me back with a "hahaha great answer." Am I including this question, answer, and response to prove to you guys that I'm funny? Not at all, you already know that. I'm just including it to show you that I'm now basically a huge deal throughout the Phillies farm system (I don't think it's too much to take that away from this exchange)

Ummm didn't you sorta kinda most definitely do the same thing Rich Rodriguez did with your taking of your talents down to no beach (get it, Virginia, no beach, LeBron, ay oh) and leaving your national regional freshman league champion contending team, at the school you went to?

If you can decipher what this says, I think it's supposed to be a shot at me, and I think it's from my former sociology student/assistant coach. Let me first say, I don't regret giving you a 2 out of 55 on that paper. Let me next say, no. This is not the same thing. Rich Rodriguez was only at West Virginia to coach football. He wasn't a professor there as well. And he moved solely to coach football still. I moved from being a teacher/basketball coach to a place where I would only be teaching (at least at the time of accepting the job. That could change). Also, I may or may not have gotten treated like garbage teaching at my alma mater. While Rich Rod and I were both worshiped by the public, I think he also got respect from his bosses. Not saying I didn't, but maybe I didn't. And, even though I did create a complete powerhouse freshman team from a bunch of majokes who couldn't figure out how to run "Special" (one of the easiest plays in history) or box somebody out, freshman basketball doesn't actually compete for any type of title. They just compete for spots on varsity next year. (Good luck guys! I don't really think you're complete majokes. And you can totally run Special. At least some of you)
Some other differences between RichRod and me: he never came up with an awesome play called "Ronaldinho," I doubt he ever yelled at his team on the bus about being racist (it's West Virginia, come on), he never rejected the crap out of Shane Mac in the first practice of the season, and he never gave the varsity team that had never won anything before the proper attitude to propel them into the district playoffs. I guess he couldn't have really done that last one in his position, but the point is I'm better than him. (Added bonus: he didn't just have a painful video chat with 3 of his former players debating why Raul Ibanez is the worst player on the Phillies. More on that later)

Do you still have to put up with Thomas and Christopher when you watch the Phils down there?

Here in Virginia, I have the luxury, through MLB.TV, of getting to choose to listen to either broadcast. Like some kind of masochist, though, I opt for the Phillies trainwreck of a broadcast team every game. Why would I do this? I complain about them so much! Surely I'm crazy! Well, yes, that's true. I do it because of how much I hate them and, if you know me, how much I love complaining. Until things get better and I can actually enjoy listening to the Phillies broadcast team (#FranzkeLA2012), I love getting more and more things to complain about. It's fun to hate them. Don't get me wrong, it will be much more fun to love people who are good, but, for now, it's hilarious and sickly enjoyable to hate everything about Thomas and Christopher.

Do we really need a Southwest Scouting Report on our own pitchers like we don't know them?

Such a good question. Honestly, aren't they going to show the same thing every game? Thirty-five times a year I get to hear Thomas McCarthy read every word of the same graphic about Roy Halladay? Here's your scouting report: He's the best. Now there's no real reason to give us that for every start for 6 months. I can't say it's necessarily a "bad" thing, but it's another thing to complain about with those guys. The main thing that's annoying about it is just that they need to talk about it every game as if this is news. "Hey guys! Cole Hamels has a great change-up! Still!" At least, though, it's not as bad as the stupid "Keys to the Game" that Christopher Wheeler comes up with. "Win the series" is not a "key" to any game. That's just what you want to do. "Hot day" is not a key to the game. Yes, it will affect the game, but how? The key on a hot day might be "Work the count, get starting pitcher tired." Just telling me a weather forecast is something I could do by sticking my head out the window. "Playoff atmosphere." Just shut up Christopher Wheeler. Get a job.

What commentary did Thomas do before Harry died?

Thomas McCarthy was the play-by-play announcer for the Trenton Thunder for 6 seasons before joining the Phillies in 2001 to do radio play-by-play. He then left in 2005 to join the Mets broadcast team. Then he came back after the 2007 season (can you say "bandwagon?") and was the play-by-play guy for a few innings while Harry was on the radio until Harry passed. And he's been horrible the entire time. He also does St Joe's basketball games. He's done other stuff, too, I just don't care enough about him to mention it.

Why is it called "barbecue sauce?"

Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, obviously it's because you put it on stuff that you barbecue, but what does that word even mean? I don't know. Can we consult someone else on these types of questions?

Who grounded into more double plays - Valdez or Pedro Feliz?

Valdez has now played a key role for the Phillies in each of his 2 seasons here. Replacing Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley in 2 consecutive years is not exactly an enviable task. While Wilson Valdez has done a great job of that, not to mention his stellar pitching, it's also painful how often he grounds into double plays. Last year, he grounded into 20 of them, and he has 7 this season. As a Philly, he has grounded into a double play about once every 20 at bats. Pedro Feliz, who drove in the winning run of the 2008 World Series (sometimes we forget that), also became a bit notorious for this; however, he grounded into just 26 in 2 seasons with the Phillies. And he was essentially an everyday player. That comes out to about one every 38 at bats or so. Because you're wondering, the record for GIDP in a season is 36, set by Jim Rice in 1984. In 657 at bats that season, he grounded into a double play about once every 18 at bats. Valdez was actually worse than that last season, grounding into a double play once every 16.65 at bats. To Feliz's credit, though, he did ground into 1 double play every 15 at bats in the 2009 playoffs. And was just generally awful at the plate.

I just fired up my grill...time to retire the Ibanez jersey.
It's almost like Ibanez is trying to make me like him this game. Funny how it's not working.
Wow. He is the definition of suck.

A lot of you guys agree with me on the way I feel about Raul Ibanez, and I love that. It's nice to have people to share that hatred with. He's awful, and generally him doing something good is a step back in the long run of the Phillies organization. Not everyone agrees with me, though, and it may actually be more fun to respond to the people sending me hate mail out there because I get to make them look even dumber by proving them wrong in the public forum known as this blog.

Raul is not as bad as you think.
Still booing Raul you poopface?
He's clutch, almost as clutch as Mayberry.
And, my personal favorite:
I'm tired of you trashing Ibanez. I'm fed up with it. I have seen what you have said, and you are so wrong. He is the 2nd best player on the Phillies, and today he had 2 home runs and a double to win the game. So there you go. Ibanez is amazing. (for reading purposes, the previous statement was heavily edited for grammar)

So I realize that some people out there are still holding on to the unbelievable first half of 2009 that Raul Ibanez had. And why not? He was amazing. In April and May, Raul hit .332 with 17 home runs and 46 RBI along with a 1.078 OPS. He began struggling the first half of June, then missed about 3 or 4 weeks with an injury. He was selected for the All-Star Game and was overall a great replacement for Pat Burrell. After his return from that injury, though, here is what he did for the rest of that season: .232 average, 12 home runs, 33 RBI, .772 OPS. That's a very significant drop-off. And those post-injury numbers account for exactly half of his 500 at bats that season. If you throw out those first 250 at bats and peoples' memories of them, Ibanez has been our everyday leftfielder, and has batted .253 with a .758 OPS. I wouldn't even refer to that as "good." It's certainly not "2nd best player on the Phillies." And using his numbers over 2+ years is doing you a favor. Let's look at how "2nd best" he is this season. He has the 10th best batting average of anyone who has played 50 games for us this season, just nudging out Ross Gload (by a couple ten-thousandths of a point), Ben Francisco (whose existence we all but ignore now), and Michael Martinez (who got a lot better once he started playing). He is 2nd on the team in home runs and RBI, but who else would be? In the 5th spot in the order, you should be 2nd in those things. We didn't have a consistent 3rd hitter until June basically, and we didn't get a real 5th batter until the end of July. Pence has 73 RBI this season, and most of those were with the God-awful Astros who can barely win a game and don't have a single other player in their lineup that anyone's ever heard of other than 51-year-old Carlos Lee. One of the stats that is becoming more telling of how good someone is at hitting is OPS. Ibanez ranks 8th on the Phillies of people who have played 50 or more games. And he's behind Mayberry and Brown, his two should-be replacements. Mayberry is actually 3rd in OPS behind just Victorino and Howard. So if you're suggesting that Ibanez is the 2nd best left fielder on the Phillies, I could see that argument. Except not even really that. Because he's statistically the worst fielder in the National League. Not left fielder. Not outfielder. Fielder. And 2nd worst in all of baseball behind 3rd baseman Mark Reynolds of the Orioles. Don't believe me? Check out this website, and sort by either UZR or UZR/150. Both will tell you the same thing: Ibanez is a majoke of an outfielder. What is UZR exactly? It's pretty complicated, but it basically tells you how many plays a fielder will make compared to how many a competent fielder would make. A good UZR is a positive number, meaning you're above average. Polanco has a 9.6, Victorino has a 6.5. Raoops has a -18.8. The next-worst Philly? Notoriously bad first baseman Ryan Howard, with a -4.6. The next-worst NL player is a -13.5. That's a huge gap. And this is for ANY FIELDER. The next-worst outfielder is -10.7. It's unbelievable! He's remarkably bad. Like, really really bad. You think I complain to much? I think everyone complains too little. And he's also dead last in the NL (2nd to last in baseball to Adam Dunn) in WAR - wins above replacement. His WAR is -1.4. My understanding of that is, if we replaced Suckhole with an average left fielder, we'd have won 1.4 more games by now. It seems insignificant, but it's not. There are only 11 players in all of baseball with a negative WAR. I can't stress this enough: RAUL IBANEZ IS TERRIBLE.
And saying that he's clutch? Puh! First of all, I'm not sure that clutch even exists, but that's an argument for another time. According to baseball-reference.com, clutch can be a few things. With 2 outs, runners in scoring position, he bats .242. In "Late & Close" situations (7th inning or later, batting team is tied, ahead by one, or the tying run at least one deck), he bats .173. In a tie game, he has a .191 batting average. Within 1 run: .221; within 2 runs: .221; within 3 runs: .216; within 4 runs: .226. Only when the game has a margin of more than 4 runs does Raul do anything good (a .321 average). When we're ahead, he is batting .269. When we're behind? Just .230. He's atrocious as it is with a .238 average, but, give him a big spot, and he's even worse! Clutch? Get a job.
Please, please, PLEASE argue with me more about Ibanez's value to this team. You can tell me absolutely nothing that will convince me he's better than Mayberry, Brown, or Richie Ashburn's corpse at this point. I charge the Philly fans to come up with a new form of booing, so we can drown out the morons who are yelling Rauuuul trying to encourage that waste of money to remain on the field. If there were a speck of hair on his body, I'd set him on fire. Aaaannnd there it is. I've officially gone too far.

What the crap is "The Chase" for the NASCAR Spring Cup or whatever?

Confession time: This is my own question. And it is one question in my life that I do NOT want the answer to. I get so tired of hearing about this "chase" they speak of, but boy could I not care less to find out what it is.

Are the Phillies going to lose today?

No.